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When Ruan Bubing lost his mother, Pei Linggong went to offer condolences. Ruan Fang was drunk, sat on the bed with his hair loose, and did not cry. Pei arrived, sat on the ground, cried and mourned, and then left. Someone asked Pei, "In a condolence ceremony, the host cries and the guests perform the rituals. Since Ruan didn't cry, why did you cry?" Pei said, "Ruan is an outsider, so he doesn't respect rituals. We are ordinary people, so we take rituals as our own." People at that time sighed that he had achieved the best of both worlds.

When attending the funeral of the mother, face west and cry until he is exhausted, pull up the hair and bare the body, go down to the east of the hall and take the seat, cry to the west, dance, wear a mourning robe and take off the mourning robe in the east of the order, bow to the guest and see off the guest as before. The ritual of visiting one’s father is to cry again without tying up one’s hair. When a woman attends a funeral, she ascends from the east steps, goes to the east, sits facing west, cries out her sorrow, wears her hair in the east bun, takes the throne, and dances with the host. A woman who attends a funeral does not attend the funeral, but goes to the tomb first, sits facing north, cries out her sorrow. The host is waiting for her, so she sits on the left side of the tomb, and the woman on the right side of the tomb. After she finishes her mourning, she ties up her hair, takes the host’s seat in the east, wears a mourning sash and a belt, cries out her sorrow, pays respect to the guest, returns to her seat, finishes her dance, and the attendant announces that the matter is complete. Then she wears a crown and goes home, enters the door on the left, faces north. After crying out loud, the host will tie up his hair and bare his clothes, then take the throne in the east, bow to the guest and dance. When the guest leaves, the host will bow to see him off; if there is a guest who arrives later, the host will bow to him and dance; and see the guest off as before. All the host's brothers will go out, and when they leave, they will stop crying, and the attendant will tell them to take their turn. After crying again, the host will tie up his hair and dance; after crying for the third time, the host will tie up his hair and dance again. After three days, the mourning period will be completed, and after crying for the fifth time, the attendant will tell them that the matter is over. For the mother, who is different from the father, one part of the hair is tied up, and the rest is exempted from the funeral, and the rest is the same as the funeral of the father.

The Duke said, “May I ask what is meant by respecting oneself?” Confucius replied, “When a gentleman speaks too much, the people will make excuses; when he acts too much, the people will make examples. If a gentleman does not speak too much and does not act too much, the people will respect him without being ordered. In this way, he can respect himself; if he can respect himself, he can complete his parents. ”The Duke said, “May I ask what is meant by completing his parents?” Confucius replied, “A gentleman is a name for people. The people call him a son of a gentleman. This is to make their parents become gentlemen, and this is to complete their parents’ name!” Confucius then said, “In ancient times, the most important thing in governing was to love people. If you cannot love people, you cannot have your body; if you cannot have your body, you cannot be at peace with your land; if you cannot be at peace with your land, you cannot be happy with heaven; if you cannot be happy with heaven, you cannot complete your body.”

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