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Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "

Morality, benevolence and righteousness cannot be achieved without propriety, and teaching and correcting customs cannot be achieved without propriety. When resolving disputes, do not make the decision without proper etiquette. The relationship between the ruler and his subjects, father and son, and brothers cannot be determined without propriety. When an official studies or serves a teacher, he should not be close to him without proper etiquette. When Ban Chao governs the army and takes office to enforce the law, he must act with propriety and dignity. Praying to temples and offering sacrifices to ghosts and gods are not polite, sincere or solemn. Therefore, a gentleman is respectful, frugal, and yielding in order to show courtesy. Parrots can speak, but they are still birds; orangutans can speak, but they are still animals. People nowadays are rude, even if they can speak, don’t they have the heart of beasts? Only animals are so undisciplined that fathers and sons live together. Therefore, the sages created rituals to teach people. Teach people to be polite and know how to distinguish themselves from animals.

For all positions, except for the funeral of a relative, the age of mourning below all ascend the throne and cry and mourn until he has finished his work, but he removes his mourning clothes to the east, ascends the throne, exposes his hair to the east, dances, and wears mourning clothes, bows to the guests and returns to his seat, cries and dances, sends the guests back to his seat, and the attendant tells him to take his place. After three days and five cries, the host goes out to see the guests off; all the host's brothers go out, and the crying stops. The attendant tells him that the work is done. He wears mourning clothes and bows to the guests. If the host's family is far away, he wears mourning clothes and goes. For the age of mourning clothes, cry while looking at the hometown; for the great merit, cry while looking at the door; for the small merit, cry when reaching the door; for the mourning clothes, cry while ascending the throne. Cry for the father's party in the temple; for the mother's wife's party in the bedroom; for the teacher outside the temple gate; for the friend outside the bedroom gate; for the acquaintance in the wild, set up the curtain. In all cases of mourning, no offerings are made. Nine times for the emperor, seven times for the princes, five times for the ministers, and three times for the scholars. The ministers mourn for the princes, but dare not bow to the guests. The ministers in other countries cry for their positions, but dare not bow to the guests. Brothers with the princes also cry for their positions. All those who hold positions have their bare backs. Those who know each other mourn first at home and then at the tomb, and all of them dance for the funeral, facing north from the host and dancing. In all cases of mourning, the father is the main mourner when the father is still alive; after the father dies, the brothers live together and each of them mourns for his own. If the relatives are the same, the elder one is the main mourner; if they are not the same relatives, the closest one is the main mourner. When hearing about the funeral of a distant brother, the mourning period is over, and the mourning period is not heard, and the bare backs are not worn, and the left hand is preferred to bow to the guests. The only people who hold positions without mourning are sisters-in-law and uncles; and women who come down without mourning wear hemp. In all cases of mourning, if a minister arrives, he should bare his backs, bow to him, dance to him, and then kiss him; for scholars, kiss him and then bow to him.




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更新时间:2025-03-21

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