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There are three reasons for not mourning a death: fear, disgust, and drowning.
Wang Rong lost his son Wanzi. Shan Jian went to visit him, and the king was overwhelmed with grief. Jian said, "How could the thing in the child's arms be like this?" The king said, "The sages are oblivious to emotions, and the lowest among the poor are not even capable of emotions. Emotions are focused on people of our generation." Jian was convinced by his words and felt even more sad.
Shi Chong and Wang Dun always played together when they were in school. When they saw Yan and Yuan Xiang, they sighed and said, "If I could enter Confucius Hall with you, why would I have to be so different from others?" Wang said, "I don't know what others think? Zigong is quite close to you." Shi Chong said sternly, "A scholar should make his reputation and his reputation both good. Why should he talk to others through a jar window?"
Duke Huan was sitting on a military officer's chair, which was filled with scallions, and the chair was not put down from time to time. The people eating with him did not help, but the chair was still held there, and everyone present laughed. Duke Huan said, "We don't even help each other when we are in the same boat, let alone when we are in danger?" He ordered him to be dismissed from office.
The way of the gentleman is expensive and hidden. The foolishness of a husband and wife can be understood, but when it reaches the extreme, even a sage will not know it. The unworthy husband and wife can do something, but when it reaches the extreme, even a sage will not be able to do it. The universe is so big, but people still have something to regret. Therefore, when a gentleman speaks big, no one in the world can contain it; when he speaks small, no one in the world can break it. The Book of Songs says, "The kite flies to the sky, and the fish leaps in the deep." It means that he is observant of everything. The way of a gentleman starts with husband and wife, and when it reaches the extreme, he observes the universe.
Confucians tell each other about good things when they hear them, show each other good things when they see them; they are ranked first and rank first, they die together in adversity; they treat each other for a long time, and they come to each other from afar. They are like this in their appointments and appointments.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Xie Gong served as Sima of Xuanwu, and had dozens of disciples under the command of Zhao Yuezi, Zhonglang of Tian Cao. Yuezi reported this to Emperor Xuanwu, who said, "Use only half of them." Zhao immediately employed all of them, saying, "When Anshi was in Dongshan, the gentry urged him to do things, so he might not be involved in personnel matters. Moreover, now that he is being selected from the local area, won't he go against their will?"
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