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The betrothal gift is seven intermediaries for the upper duke, five intermediaries for the marquis and earl, and three intermediaries for the viscount and the man, so as to distinguish the noble from the humble. When introducing and conveying orders, a gentleman dares not question the one he respects, which is the utmost respect. After three concessions, he can convey the order, enter the temple gate after three concessions, reach the steps after three bows, and ascend after three concessions, so as to show respect and humility.
Ruan Guanglu lived in Dongshan, where he had nothing to do and was always content. Someone asked Wang Youjun about this, and Wang Youjun said, "This man is not afraid of favor or disgrace recently. Even the ancients who were in obscurity are no better than him."
When a dog Zhongni kept died, he asked Zigong to bury it, saying, "I have heard that if you do not discard an old curtain, you will bury the horse; if you do not discard an old cover, you will bury the dog. I am poor and have no cover; I also gave him a mat at his fiefdom so that his head would not be sunk."
When Gu Changkang returned from Kuaiji, someone asked him about the beauty of the mountains and rivers. Gu said, "Thousands of rocks compete for beauty, thousands of valleys compete for streams, and the vegetation covers them, like clouds and bright clouds."
Therefore, the emperor regulates the princes, making small betrothals every year and big betrothals every three years, and they are strict with each other. If the envoys make a mistake in the betrothal, the lord will not personally entertain them. This is to shame and encourage them. The princes are strict with each other, so they will not invade each other externally and bully each other internally. This is why the emperor nurtures the princes, so that the army is not used and the princes can be just.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Xie Lingyun liked to wear a hat with a curved handle. The hermit Kong said to him, "If you want to have lofty ambitions, why can't you forget the appearance of the curved hat?" Xie replied, "If you will not be afraid of your shadow, you will not be able to forget it."
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