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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Zixia asked the Master, "Live in the funeral of your mother and wife." "Live, talk, eat and drink."
When Ruan Guanglu was in Shan, he had a good car and he lent it to everyone who asked for it. Someone wanted to borrow money to bury his mother but did not dare to ask. When Queen Ruan heard this, she sighed and said, "I have a carriage but people are afraid to lend it to me. What's the use of the carriage?" Then she burned it.
After Wang Chen's death, the Western Town was still unsettled and all the nobles in the court had high hopes. At that time, Yin Zhongkan was under Fang Yue's tutelage. Although he held an important position, his status and reputation were low, and people did not approve of him. Jin Xiaowu wanted to promote his close associates, so he made Yin Jingzhou. The matter was settled, but the edict had not been issued. Wang Xun asked Yin, “Why hasn’t anyone dealt with Shaanxi yet?” Yin replied, “Someone has already done it.” Wang Li asked the ministers, and they all said “No.” The king thought that he must have the talent and the position, so he asked again, "Is it not me?" Yin said, "It seems not." That night the king ordered Yin to be employed. The king said to his confidants, "How can a eunuch be entrusted with such a task? Zhongkan's action will be the beginning of the country's demise."
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