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The so-called self-cultivation is to regulate one's family. One should avoid what one loves, avoid what one despises, avoid what one fears, avoid what one pities, and avoid what one is lazy about. Therefore, there are few people in the world who know the evil of what one likes and the beauty of what one hates. Therefore, there is a proverb: "No one knows the evil of his son, and no one knows the greatness of his seedling. "This means that if you do not cultivate yourself, you cannot manage your family.
When Zhao's mother married her daughter off, she warned her daughter before she left, "Be careful not to do good things!" The daughter said, "If I can't do good things, can I do evil things?" The mother said, "If I can't do good things, how can I do evil things?"
Youzi asked Zengzi: "Have you asked about funerals, Master?" He said: "I have heard that funerals want to get poor quickly, and death wants to decay quickly." Youzi said: "This is not what a gentleman says." Zengzi said: "Shen heard it from the Master." Youzi said again: "This is not what a gentleman says." Zengzi said: "Shen and Ziyou heard it." Youzi said: "Yes, then the Master said it for a reason." Zengzi told Ziyou this. Ziyou said, "How wonderful! Youzi's words are similar to yours. Once upon a time, when the Master was living in Song, he saw Sima Huan making a stone coffin for himself, which took three years to complete. The Master said, 'If it is so, then it is better to decay quickly than to die.' The desire to decay quickly was what Sima Huan said. When Nangong Jingshu returned, he would bring treasures with him to the court. The Master said, 'If it is so, then it is better to become poor quickly than to be buried.' The desire to become poor quickly was what Jingshu said." Zengzi told him what Ziyou said. When Youzi was talking to Youzi, Youzi said, "Yes, I have always said that this is not what the Master said." Zengzi said, "How do you know this?" Youzi said, "The Master made a four-inch coffin and a five-inch outer coffin in Zhongdu, so he knew that he did not want to decay quickly. In the past, when the Master lost the position of Sikou of Lu and was about to go to Jing, he first asked Zixia and then Ran You, so he knew that he did not want to become poor quickly."
The Youyu clan raised the state elders in Shangxiang and raised the common elders in Xiaxiang. The Xiahou clan raised the state elders in Dongxu and raised the common elders in Xixu. The Yin people raised the state elders in Youxue and raised the common elders in Zuoxue. The Zhou people raised the state elders in Dongjiao and raised the common elders in Yuxue: Yuxue was in the western suburbs of the country. The Youyu clan offered sacrifices to the emperor and raised the elderly in deep clothes. The Xiahou clan harvested and offered sacrifices, and provided for the elderly in Yan clothing. The Yin people offered sacrifices in a veil, and provided for the elderly in white clothing. The Zhou people offered sacrifices in a crown, and provided for the elderly in black clothing. All the three kings provided for the elderly according to age. A son of an eighty-year-old man shall not participate in politics, a ninety-year-old man shall not be involved in politics, and a disabled person who is not supported by others shall not participate in politics. In the mourning of parents, there shall be no participation in politics for three years. In the mourning of mourning for the eighth year of ... Father's teeth go with the father, elder brother's teeth go in a line, friends do not exceed each other. Light responsibilities are shared, heavy responsibilities are divided, and gray-haired people are not carried. Gentlemen and old people do not walk alone, and common people and old people do not eat alone.
In the funeral of a king, if there is no small burial, he will leave as a guest of the duke; in the funeral of an official, if there is no small burial, he will leave at the order of the king; in the funeral of a scholar, he will leave without burial for an official. Whenever the host leaves, he goes barefoot, with his hem tied to his waist and his heart beat, and descends from the west steps. The king bows to the guest of state and the minister of honor at his seat; the minister, at the king's order, meets him outside the bedroom door; the messenger goes up to the hall to tell the death, and the host bows below; the scholar cries with the minister in person; he does not go against the door, the lady goes out for the lady of the king, the lady goes out for the lady's order, and the scholar's wife should not be buried, so the lady goes out.
Duke Mu asked Zisi, "Is it ancient to return to serve the old monarch?" Zisi said, "In ancient times, gentlemen promoted people with courtesy and dismissed people with courtesy, so there was a ritual of returning to serve the old monarch; today's gentlemen promote people as if they were about to kneel down and dismiss people as if they were about to cross the abyss, and do not act like the head of an enemy, isn't that good! So why is there a ritual of returning to serve?"
Men and women do not sit together, use the same shackles and towels, or combs, and are not taught in person. The sisters-in-law and uncles do not ask about each other, and the mothers do not wash their clothes. External words do not enter the bundle, and internal words do not leave the bundle.
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