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Duke Mu asked Zisi, "Is it ancient to return to serve the old monarch?" Zisi said, "In ancient times, gentlemen promoted people with courtesy and dismissed people with courtesy, so there was a ritual of returning to serve the old monarch; today's gentlemen promote people as if they were about to kneel down and dismiss people as if they were about to cross the abyss, and do not act like the head of an enemy, isn't that good! So why is there a ritual of returning to serve?"
When Emperor Wu of Wei died, Emperor Wen took all of Emperor Wu's palace ladies to serve him. When the emperor fell ill, Empress Bian went out to see him. When the Empress Dowager entered the house, she saw that the attendant was the one she once loved and favored. The Queen Mother asked, "When did you come?" He replied, "My soul is in hiding." She did not come forward and sighed, "Dogs and rats will not eat the rest of you, so death is inevitable!" When they arrived at the tomb, she still did not come.
Yan Ding was good at mourning: when he died, he was anxious as if he wanted to find it but couldn't get it; when he was buried, he looked around as if he wanted to follow but couldn't reach it; after the burial, he sighed as if he couldn't reach it and stopped.
When a son serves his parents: if he advises them three times but they still dont listen, he should cry and follow them. When the king is ill and takes medicine, the minister should taste it first. When a parent is ill and takes medicine, the son should taste it first.
Emperor Ming of Wei asked his younger brother Mao Zeng to sit with Xiahou Xuan, and people at that time said it was "reeds leaning against jade trees."
When asked about the age of the emperor, he should answer, I heard that he started to wear clothes of a certain length. When asked about the age of the king, he should answer, I heard that he started to wear clothes of a certain length. When asked about the age of the king, he should answer, He can follow the affairs of the ancestral temple and the altar of grain when he is older; he should answer, He cannot follow the affairs of the ancestral temple and the altar of grain when he is younger. When asked about the son of a senior official, he should answer, He can drive when he is older; he cannot drive when he is younger. When asked about the son of a scholar, he should answer, He can handle the formalities of the reception when he is older; he cannot handle the formalities of the reception when he is younger. When asked about the son of a commoner, he should answer, He can carry firewood when he is older; he cannot carry firewood when he is younger. When asked about the wealth of the king, he should answer, He can cook food with his own strength, and he does not need to use sacrificial utensils and clothes. When asked about the wealth of a scholar, he should answer, He can carry firewood with his own strength. When asked about the wealth of common people, they should answer by counting their livestock.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Gu Shao once had a conversation with Pang Shiyuan, who asked, "I heard that you are famous for knowing people. Who is better, me or you?" He replied, "In terms of being influenced by the world and rising and falling with the times, I am not as good as you; but in discussing the remaining strategies of kingship and hegemony and viewing the key points of reliance, I seem to be one day better than you." Shao also felt at ease with his words.
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