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Duke Xian of Jin died, Duke Mu of Qin sent people to offer condolences to Prince Chong'er, and said, "I have heard that the loss of a country is always here, and the recovery of a country is always here. Although my son is in mourning, the mourning cannot be too long, and the time cannot be lost. You should plan it." He told his uncle Fan, who said, "You should refuse it. A bereaved person has no treasure, but a loving relative is a treasure. What is the point of the father's death? And you think it is profitable, but who in the world can persuade you? You should refuse it." Prince Chong'er said to the guests, "You are kind enough to offer condolences to the deceased minister Chong'er. I lost my father myself, but I cannot cry with you and grieve for you. What is the point of the father's death? If someone dares to have other intentions, it will insult your righteousness." He bowed his head without kneeling, and stood up after crying, but did not hesitate. Zi Xian told Duke Mu of Qin about his death. Duke Mu said, "The benevolent Prince Chong'er! If you bow your head but don't kowtow, you are not yet the heir, so you can't kowtow; if you cry and then get up, you love your father; if you get up without selfishness, you are looking for benefits."

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When Zigong asked about mourning, Confucius said, "Respect is the best, grief is the next, and thinness is the worst. The color of the face reflects the feelings; the sorrowful expression reflects the clothes." When asked about the mourning of brothers, Confucius said, "The mourning of brothers is recorded in the books and strategies. "A gentleman does not take away the mourning of others, nor should he take away his own mourning. Confucius said: "Shaolian and Dalian are good at mourning. They do not get tired for three days and do not stop for three months. They are sad for a long time and worried for three years. They are the sons of Dongyi. ”

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　　Zhou Ziju often said: "When I don't see Huang Shudu in the moonlight, my stingy heart has revived."

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Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "

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Kong Tingwei gave the fur coat to his cousin Chen, but Chen refused to accept it. The Chief Justice said, "Yan Pingzhong was so frugal that he offered sacrifices to his ancestors. He wore a pig's shoulder that was not enough to cover his bowl, and he also wore a fox fur coat for decades. Why do you refuse this?" So he accepted it and wore it.