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Zilu said, "How sad it is to be poor! There is nothing to take care of him when he is alive, and nothing to do with his death." Confucius said, "To eat beans and drink water to the fullest is filial piety; to hide one's head and body, to return to bury without a coffin, and to weigh the property is courtesy."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Yanling Jizi went to Qi, and on his way back, his eldest son died and was buried between Yingbo. Confucius said, "Yanling Jizi is a person in Wu who is accustomed to etiquette." He went to see his burial. The pit was not deep enough to reach the spring, and he was buried in the seasonal clothes. After the burial, the seal was sealed, and the pit was covered with wide wheels, so that it was high enough to hide. After the enthronement, he exposed his left arm and returned his right arm to the enthronement and cried three times, saying: "Bone flesh and blood return to the earth, it is destiny. As for the soul and spirit, everything will return, everything will return." Then he left. Confucius said: "Yanling Jizi's understanding of etiquette is in accordance with it!"
The one who is most benevolent has the most heavy mourning; therefore, for a father, he should wear mourning clothes for three years, which is a rule of benevolence. In the governance of the family, grace covers righteousness; in the governance of the family, righteousness cuts off grace. From serving the father to serving the king, and respecting the same, respecting the noble and respecting the elder, this is the greatest righteousness. Therefore, for a king, he should also wear mourning clothes for three years, which is a rule of righteousness.
The remaining fish are not sacrificed. A father does not sacrifice to his son, and a husband does not sacrifice to his wife. The emperor treats the elders with respect, and he will not refuse even if he is asked to sit with them occasionally. If the soup contains vegetables, use a spoon; if it does not contain vegetables, do not use a spoon.
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