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When the king's messenger arrives, the host should come out and bow to show his disgrace to the king's words; when the messenger returns, he must bow and see him off at the door. If you send someone to the king's place, you must dress in court and give orders; if the envoy returns, you must go downstairs and receive orders.
In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.
The King of Liang and the King of Zhao were close relatives of the country and were highly respected at the time. Duke Pei Ling asked the two countries to pay millions of yuan in rent every year to help the poor among his relatives. Someone ridiculed him and said, "Why do you beg for things to do good?" Pei said, "To take away from the surplus and give to the deficiency is the way of heaven."
Xie Gong once went west with Xie Wan and passed by Wu County. A Wan wanted to go with Wang Tianxu, but the Taifu said, "I'm afraid he won't have to repay you, so he's not interested!" Wan still insisted, but the Taifu refused to change his mind, so Wan went alone. After sitting for a while, the king came in and thanked him with a very pleased look, thinking that he was being treated well. After a long time, he came out with his hair dishevelled, and did not sit down. He still sat on the couch in the middle of the courtyard, drying his hair in the sun, with an arrogant look on his face, and no intention of responding to the conversation. After thanking him, he returned. Before reaching the boat, he called out to the Grand Tutor. An said: "Achi will not do that!"
When Zi Liu's mother died, Zi Shuo asked for a feast. Zi Liu asked, "Why?" Zi Shuo said, "Please give porridge to my half brother's mother." Zi Liu said, "How can you bury your mother with porridge for someone else's mother? No." After the funeral, Zi Shuo wanted to use the remaining cloth to prepare the sacrificial utensils. Zi Liu said, "No, I have heard that a gentleman should not stay at home during a funeral. Please arrange for the poor among your brothers." The gentleman said, "If you plan for someone's military advisor, you will die; if you plan for someone's state, you will be destroyed." Gongshu Wenzi ascended to Xiaqiu, and Qu Boyu followed him. Wenzi said, "How happy this hill is. I want to be buried there when I die." Qu Boyu said, "If you are happy, then Yuan will come forward."
When Ruan Bubing lost his mother, Pei Linggong went to offer condolences. Ruan Fang was drunk, sat on the bed with his hair loose, and did not cry. Pei arrived, sat on the ground, cried and mourned, and then left. Someone asked Pei, "In a condolence ceremony, the host cries and the guests perform the rituals. Since Ruan didn't cry, why did you cry?" Pei said, "Ruan is an outsider, so he doesn't respect rituals. We are ordinary people, so we take rituals as our own." People at that time sighed that he had achieved the best of both worlds.
When Huan Nanjun was a child, he and his brothers raised geese and fought together. The geese in Nanjun were always inferior to him, and he was very angry. That night he went to the goose pen, took all the brothers' geese and killed them. At dawn, all the family members were frightened, thinking it was a strange thing, and they rode in a white carriage. The cavalry said, "There is nothing to be surprised about. It must be a joke from Nanjun!" When asked, it turned out to be true.
Therefore, a gentleman should be cautious and not lose his face in front of others. The king should be polite, and the ministers should be inferior to him. The ministers should be polite, and the scholars should be inferior to him. Etiquette should not be given to common people, and punishment should not be given to ministers. Punishers should not be at the king's side.
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