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Zixia asked Confucius, "What should I do if I am the enemy of my parents?" Confucius said, "Sleep on straw and use dry wood as pillow, do not serve in the government, and do not share the world with them; if you meet them in the market, do not fight with them." He said, "What should I do if I am the enemy of my brothers?" Confucius said, "Serve in the government and do not share the country with them; if I am sent by the king, I will not fight with them even if I meet them." He said, "What should I do if I am the enemy of my uncle and brothers?" Confucius said, "If I am not the leader, if the host is capable, I will hold the weapon and accompany them behind."
When Wei Si Tu Jingzi died, Zixia offered condolences. The host had not yet buried him, so he went there in mourning clothes. Ziyou went to mourn. After the host had buried him, Ziyou came out, wearing mourning clothes and crying. Zixia asked, "Did you hear that?" He said, "I heard from you, Master, that if the host has not changed his clothes, he should not wear mourning clothes." Zengzi said, "Yanzi can be said to know etiquette, and he is respectful." Youruo said, "Yanzi wore the same fox fur coat for thirty years, and sent one carriage to the tomb and returned; the king had seven carriages, and the ministers had five carriages. How could Yanzi know etiquette?" Zengzi said, "If a country is not governed by the Way, a gentleman will be ashamed to be full of etiquette. If the state is extravagant, then show it frugality; if the state is frugal, then show it etiquette.
Zhou Boren was the Minister of Personnel. He fell seriously ill at night in the province. At that time, Diao Xuanliang was the Minister of the Chancellery, and he rescued Bei and was very close to him. After a long time, there was a small loss. The next morning, Zhongzhi was informed and he came in a panic. As soon as he entered the house, Diao got out of bed and burst into tears, telling him about Boren's critical condition yesterday. Zhongzhi wrote on it by hand, and Diao made a copy of it and placed it beside the door. When he came forward, he did not even ask about the illness, but simply said, "You were a famous person in the Central Court, and you were as famous as He Changyu. How could you have any relationship with such a flatterer as Diao Xie?" Then he left.
Taifu Xie and Wang Wendu went to see Xi Chao together, but as time went by and Wang had not yet arrived, he wanted to leave. Xie said: "Can't you bear it for a moment for your life?"
It is better to not be in decline than to be inappropriate. One should not sit at the side in mourning, and one should not serve in service for great achievements.
When Ruan Ji's mother died, he enjoyed wine and meat in the presence of King Wen of Jin. Si Li He Zeng was also present and said, "Your Excellency is ruling the world with filial piety, but Ruan Ji is in a state of mourning and is seen drinking and eating meat in front of you. You should exile him overseas to correct the morals." King Wen said, "The successor to the throne is so disgraced, and you cannot share my sorrow. What's the point? Besides, drinking and eating meat when one is ill is a mourning custom!" Ji continued to drink and eat, looking calm.
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