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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Wei Zhongjiang was good at calligraphy. Emperor Ming of Wei built a palace and wanted to hang a notice, so he asked General Zhong to climb the ladder and write it. After he died, his hair and temples were all white, so he told his children and grandchildren, "Don't learn to read anymore."
Xun Jubo saw his friend sick from afar, when the Hu bandits attacked the county, his friend said to Jubo, "I am dying now, you can go!" Jubo said, "I came from afar to see you, and you asked me to go. It is not the way for Xun Jubo to destroy righteousness to save life?" When the bandits arrived, they said to Jubo, "The army is here, and the whole county is empty. Who are you, a man, and how dare you stay alone?" Jubo said, "My friend is sick, and I cannot bear to leave him. I would rather die with my own body." The bandits said to each other, "We are unrighteous people, and we have entered a righteous country!" So they organized the army and returned, and the whole county was saved.
Confucius said: "I ate at Shao Shi and was full, and Shao Shi fed me with courtesy. When I offered sacrifices, he stood up and said, 'Sparse food is not enough for offerings.' When I ate, he stood up and said, 'Sparse food, I dare not hurt my son.'"
Someone asked the military governor, "How good is Yin Hao in his talks?" He replied, "I can't beat others, but I can at least win the hearts of the people."
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