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When Du Qiao's mother died, there was no one in the palace, thinking it was a traitor. Confucius said, "When she died, she wore lamb fur and black hat, just change it." The Confucius did not mourn for lamb fur and black hat.
When Emperor Ming of Jin was a few years old, he sat on Emperor Yuan's lap. Someone came from Chang'an, and Emperor Yuan asked about the news from Luoxia, and burst into tears. Emperor Ming asked why he was crying. I told him my intention to cross the river to the east. He then asked Emperor Ming, "How far do you think Chang'an is compared to the sun?" He replied, "The sun is far away. Haven't you heard that people come from the side of the sun? How can you know it?" Emperor Yuan was surprised. Tomorrow I will gather all the ministers for a banquet, inform them of this intention, and ask them again. He replied, "The sun is near." The Yuan Emperor was dismayed and asked, "Why do you say something different from what you said yesterday?" He replied, "I can see the sun but not Chang'an."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
When Nangong Jiang's wife's aunt died, the Master taught her to wear her hair in a bun, saying, "Don't follow others, don't follow others. The hairpin is made of hazel, one foot long and eight inches in total."
When Grand Tutor Xi was in Jingkou, he sent his disciples to write to Prime Minister Wang, asking for a son-in-law. The Prime Minister said to Xi Xin: "You can go to the east wing and choose anyone you like." The disciple returned and told Xi Xin: "The young men in the Wang family are all commendable. When they heard that you were looking for a son-in-law, they all behaved politely. Only one young man was lying on the bed with his belly exposed, as if he didn't hear anything." Xi Gong said: "This is exactly what we want!
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