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The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
Xu Yuan once visited Jianwen. It was a windy and calm night with a bright moon, so they composed music and talked in the room. Expressing one’s inner thoughts is Xu’s forte. The words are clear and graceful, more than usual. Although Jianwen and he had always been in sync, this encounter was even more regrettable. Unconsciously they knelt down and spoke with their hands, and the conversation lasted until almost dawn. Then he said: "Xuan Du has great talent and sentiment, so it is not easy to give him many compliments."
Wang Shao and Wang Hui went to Xuanwu together, just when Yu Xi's family was being arrested. Hui felt uneasy and wanted to leave hesitantly; Shao sat still, waiting to receive the letter, and then left without making any progress. Commentators believe Shao is superior.
Prince Jing and Yang Sui were good friends. Sui was a noble and honest man. He was a secretary of the Central Secretariat but died young. The king mourned deeply and said to Dongting: "It is a pity for the country!"
When the dukes met before the appointed time, it was called "yu", and when they met in the land, it was called "hui". When the dukes sent officials to ask the dukes, it was called "pin", when they made promises, it was called "shi", and when they attended the sacrifice, it was called "meng".
Zi said: "A gentleman refuses the noble but not the humble, refuses the rich but not the poor, then chaos will be eliminated." Therefore, a gentleman would rather let people float above food than let food float above others. Confucius said: "If you give way to wine, beans and meat and accept the bad, the people will offend the teeth; if you give way to the seat on the lapel and sit down, the people will offend the noble; if you give way to the position in the court and accept the humble, the people will offend the monarch. "The Book of Songs says: "The people are unscrupulous, resenting one another; accepting titles without yielding them, they have finally died." Confucius said: "A gentleman values others and despises himself, and puts others before himself, so the people will yield to him." Therefore, call someone else's ruler "Jun", and call yourself "Guojun". Confucius said: "In the interests of salary, those who die first and those who live later, then the people will not be disloyal; those who die first and those who survive later, then the people can be trusted." The Book of Songs says: "The thoughts of the former rulers were kept by the gullible." With this, the people still disloyalty died and cried without complaint.
When the dukes sent people to the dukes, the messengers called themselves "guaijunzhilao". The emperor is solemn, the princes are majestic, the great officials are numerous, the scholars are staggering, and the common people are humble.
When asked about the age of the emperor, he should answer, “I heard that he started to wear clothes of a certain length.” When asked about the age of the king, he should answer, “I heard that he started to wear clothes of a certain length.” When asked about the age of the king, he should answer, “He can follow the affairs of the ancestral temple and the altar of grain when he is older; he should answer, “He cannot follow the affairs of the ancestral temple and the altar of grain when he is younger.” When asked about the son of a senior official, he should answer, “He can drive when he is older; he cannot drive when he is younger.” When asked about the son of a scholar, he should answer, “He can handle the formalities of the reception when he is older; he cannot handle the formalities of the reception when he is younger.” When asked about the son of a commoner, he should answer, “He can carry firewood when he is older; he cannot carry firewood when he is younger.” When asked about the wealth of the king, he should answer, “He can cook food with his own strength, and he does not need to use sacrificial utensils and clothes.” When asked about the wealth of a scholar, he should answer, “He can carry firewood with his own strength.” When asked about the wealth of common people, they should answer by counting their livestock.
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