笑话集锦

A lifetime of pampering

Huan Cheqi is not good at picking up new clothes. After bathing, the woman gave him new clothes. The cavalry was furious and urged them to take him away. The woman brought it back and said, "The clothes are not new, so how can they be old?" Duke Huan laughed and chopped it off.

Jade carving

The brothers Wang Ziyou and Zijing appreciated the descendants of the great scholar and praised him together. Zi Jing admired Jing Dan's nobleness, and Zi You said, "I am not as scornful as Chang Qing."

The Bakery of Superstars

Zixia said: "The virtue of the three kings is comparable to that of heaven and earth. I dare to ask: how can it be said to be comparable to that of heaven and earth?" Confucius said: "Follow the three selfless things to work for the world." Zixia said: "I dare to ask what the three selfless things are?" Confucius said: "The sky covers without selfless things, the earth carries without selfless things, and the sun and the moon shine without selfless things. Following these three to work for the world is called the three selfless things. It is said in the Book of Songs: "The emperor's order is not violated, and it reaches Tang Qi. Tang descends without delay, and the saints respect each other day by day. Zhao takes time to grant, and God is respectful. The emperor's order is set in the nine circles. "This is the virtue of Tang. There are four seasons in the sky, spring, autumn, winter and summer, wind, rain, frost and dew, all of which are teachings. The earth carries spirits, spirits and winds, winds and thunders flow, and all things are born, all of which are teachings. When the body is clear and bright, the spirit and will are like gods, and the desires are about to come, and they must be opened first. The sky rains down, and clouds come out of the mountains and rivers. It is said in the Book of Songs: "Song is high and steep as the sky. Only the mountain descends the spirit, giving birth to Fu and Shen. Only Shen and Fu, only Zhou's Han. The four countries are in the frontier, and the four directions are in Xuan. 'This is the virtue of civil and military. The kings of the three dynasties must first make it known. The Book of Songs says: "The wise and enlightened emperor will make it known without stopping. 'This is the virtue of the three dynasties. 'Relax his civil virtues and coordinate these four countries. 'This is the virtue of the king. "Zixia jumped up, stood with his back to the wall and said: "How dare I not accept it!"

Heaven is a witness

Zilu said, "How sad it is to be poor! There is nothing to take care of him when he is alive, and nothing to do with his death." Confucius said, "To eat beans and drink water to the fullest is filial piety; to hide one's head and body, to return to bury without a coffin, and to weigh the property is courtesy."

The mysterious way

When you are about to move away, don't make things too tight. When you are about to go to class, your voice must be loud. There are two shoes outside. If you hear the words, you can enter. If you don’t hear the words, you can’t enter. When entering a house, one must look down. When entering a house, lock the door firmly and do not look back; when the door is opened, open it; when the door is closed, close it; if someone comes in later, lock the door and do not let them in. Do not step on shoes, do not step on mats, and do not move towards corners by picking up clothes. Be cautious and keep your promises.

The female president's ace assistant