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When a girl is betrothed, she is given a tassel; unless there is a serious reason, she will not enter the bride's house. When aunts, sisters, and daughters return home after getting married, brothers should not sit at the same table with them, nor eat from the same utensils with them. Father and son sit at different tables.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Chengren had a brother who died but did not wear mourning clothes. When he heard that Zigao would be the chief minister of Chengren, he wore mourning clothes. Chengren said, "Silkworms weave and crabs have ribs, fan weaves and cicadas have ribbons. When his brother died, Zigao wore mourning clothes."
Minister Xi and Mr. Xie were on good terms. He often said: "Xie Qingxu's knowledge and insights are not without peer, but they can make you feel exhausted."
Someone who came and went said: Mr. Yu has the intention of going east. Someone said to the prince: "You can be more cautious in case of an emergency." The prince said: "Although Yuan Gui and I are both ministers of the king, we are originally commoners. If he wants to come, I will just put on my horn scarf and return to my black clothes. Why should I be more cautious?"
When General Wang started a rebellion, the Prime Minister and his brothers went to the palace to express their gratitude. The Duke of Zhou was deeply worried about the other kings. When he first entered, he looked very worried. The Prime Minister called out to Marquis Zhou, "All the people in the family are in your care!" Zhou went straight over but did not respond. Once you enter, you will be saved by the suffering. After being released, Zhou Da was very happy and drank some wine. When he went out, the kings were still waiting at the door. Zhou said, "This year, if we kill all the bandits and slaves, we will take a golden seal as big as a bowl and tie it behind our elbow." When the general arrived at Shitou, he asked the prime minister, "Can Lord Zhou be one of the Three Dukes?" The prime minister did not answer. He asked again, "Can you be the Minister of the Chancellery?" Again no answer. Because he said, "In this case, he should be killed!" Then he fell silent again. When Marquis Zhou was about to be killed, the prime minister later learned that Marquis Zhou had saved him. He sighed and said, "I didn't kill Marquis Zhou, but he died because of me. I have let him down in the underworld!"
Le Ling was good at speaking clearly but not good at writing. He was about to resign the post of Governor of Henan and asked Pan Yue to be his deputy. Pan Yun said, "You can do it. But it must satisfy your Majesty." Le Wei described why he was humble, with about 200 words to indicate his position. Pan Zhi became a famous writer because of his intricate and complex writing. People at that time all said: "If the music had not borrowed Pan's writing, and Pan had not taken the purpose of the music, it would not have been possible to achieve this."
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