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Chen Zhongju of Runan and Li Yuanli of Yingchuan discussed their merits and virtues together, but could not decide who was ahead in order. Cai Bojie commented on them, saying: "Chen Zhongju is good at offending superiors, while Li Yuanli is strict in controlling his subordinates. It is difficult to offend superiors, but easy to control subordinates." Zhongju was thus ranked below the three gentlemen, and Yuanli was ranked above the eight talented people.
When Mu Bo died, Jing Jiang cried during the day; when Wen Bo died, she cried day and night. Confucius said, "You know etiquette."
When someone asked Wang Changshi about the brothers and followers of Jiang Fei, Wang replied, "All the Jiangs are capable of supporting themselves."
When Zhang Hua saw Chu Tao, he said to Lu Pingyuan: "Your brothers are like dragons leaping through the clouds, and Gu Yanxian is like a phoenix singing in the morning sun. I thought the treasures of the southeast were gone, but I didn't expect to see Chu Sheng again." Lu said: "You have never seen anyone who doesn't sing or leap!"
Shangshu Wang Hui once visited Wang Youjun's wife and asked, "Do you feel bad about your eyes and ears?" She replied, "White hair and falling teeth belong to the body; as for the eyes and ears, they are related to the spirit, can they be separated from people?"
Duke Xian of Jin died, Duke Mu of Qin sent people to offer condolences to Prince Chong'er, and said, "I have heard that the loss of a country is always here, and the recovery of a country is always here. Although my son is in mourning, the mourning cannot be too long, and the time cannot be lost. You should plan it." He told his uncle Fan, who said, "You should refuse it. A bereaved person has no treasure, but a loving relative is a treasure. What is the point of the father's death? And you think it is profitable, but who in the world can persuade you? You should refuse it." Prince Chong'er said to the guests, "You are kind enough to offer condolences to the deceased minister Chong'er. I lost my father myself, but I cannot cry with you and grieve for you. What is the point of the father's death? If someone dares to have other intentions, it will insult your righteousness." He bowed his head without kneeling, and stood up after crying, but did not hesitate. Zi Xian told Duke Mu of Qin about his death. Duke Mu said, "The benevolent Prince Chong'er! If you bow your head but don't kowtow, you are not yet the heir, so you can't kowtow; if you cry and then get up, you love your father; if you get up without selfishness, you are looking for benefits."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Zi You asked about funeral supplies, and Confucius said, "It is called the family's death." Zi You said, "If there is a death, how can it be prepared?" Confucius said, "If there is a death, don't go too far. If the body is dead, put the head and body together, return to the burial, hang the coffin and seal it, who will criticize it!" Si Shi Ben told Zi You, "Please cover the bed." Zi You said, "Yes." Xianzi heard it and said, "How rude Shu Shi is! He only gives people etiquette."
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