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The legend says: "There are those who are light and heavy, and the wife of a prince is his aunt. There are those who are heavy and light, and the wife's parents. There are those who are without mourning and with mourning, and the prince's wife is his brother-in-law. There are those who are with mourning and without mourning, and the prince is his wife's parents." The legend says: "When the mother is divorced, the stepmother's party mourning is worn; when the mother dies, the stepmother's party mourning is worn. If the stepmother's party mourning is worn, then the stepmother's party mourning is not worn."
Zishang did not mourn when his mother died. His disciples asked Zisi, “Did your ancestors mourn their mothers?” He said, “Yes”. “Why did you not let Bai mourn?” Zisi said, “My ancestors did not lose the way; when the way was high, they followed the way; when the way was low, they followed the way. How could Ji do that? Those who marry Ji are Bai’s mother; those who do not marry Ji are not Bai’s mother.” Therefore, the Kong family did not mourn their mothers when their mothers died, starting with Zisi.
Zeng Zi asked: "What should be done if there is a funeral? What comes first and what comes later?" Confucius said: "In the funeral, the light is first and then the heavy; the offering is first and then the light; it is a ritual. From the beginning to the funeral, there is no offering, and there is no mourning during the funeral; after the funeral, there is an offering, and then say goodbye to the funeral, and then do the funeral. The funeral is first heavy and then light, which is a ritual." Confucius said: "Even if the son of the clan is seventy, there is no one without a mistress; if he is not a son of the clan, it is okay even if he has no mistress."
The gentleman said: Great virtue is not an official, the great way is not an instrument, the great trust is not an agreement, and the great time is not uniform. Observing these four things, you can be determined to study the root.
The etiquette for being a son is: be warm in winter and cool in summer, be alert at dusk and check on others in the morning, and do not argue with the ugly and the barbaric.
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