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Confucian scholars live in a difficult place, sit up and stand respectfully, speak first and be honest, and act uprightly. They do not compete for the benefits of danger and ease on the road, and do not compete for the harmony of yin and yang in winter and summer. They love death and wait for it, and nourish their bodies and do things. They are like this in their preparation.
Someone asked the Grand Tutor, "Who can compare with Zi Jing among our predecessors?" Xie replied, "Zi Jing is close to Wang and Liu."
In ancient times, the emperor established six palaces, three wives, nine concubines, twenty-seven wives, and eighty-one imperial wives to listen to the internal governance of the world and to show the obedience of women; therefore, the world was harmonious and the family was orderly. The emperor established six officials, three dukes, nine ministers, twenty-seven great officials, and eighty-one nobles to listen to the external governance of the world and to clarify the male education of the world; therefore, the country is governed when the outside is harmonious. Therefore, it is said: The emperor listens to male education, and the queen listens to female obedience; the emperor manages the yang way, and the queen manages the yin virtue; the emperor listens to external governance, and the queen listens to internal duties. Teaching obedience becomes a custom, the outside and the inside are harmonious, and the country is governed, this is called great virtue.
The meaning of drinking in the village: the host greets the guests outside the school gate, and when they enter, they bow three times before going up the steps, and then give way three times before going up, so as to show respect and courtesy. Wash and raise the cup, so as to show cleanliness. Bowing to arrive, bowing to wash, bowing to receive, bowing to send off, and bowing to end is to show respect. Respect, courtesy, cleanliness and respect are the reasons why gentlemen interact with each other. Gentlemen respect and yield will not argue, and cleanliness and respect will not be rude. If they are not rude and do not argue, they will be far away from fighting and arguing; if they do not fight and argue, there will be no disasters of violence and rebellion. This is why gentlemen are free from human disasters, so the sages regulate it with the Tao.
When Lady Xie was teaching her son, she asked the tutor, "How come I didn't see you teaching my son for the first time?" The tutor replied, "I always teach my son myself."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
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