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Women who are not in mourning for three years should not go beyond their fiefdoms to offer condolences. If they are in mourning for three years, then the wife of the ruler will return home.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Kong Tingwei gave the fur coat to his cousin Chen, but Chen refused to accept it. The Chief Justice said, "Yan Pingzhong was so frugal that he offered sacrifices to his ancestors. He wore a pig's shoulder that was not enough to cover his bowl, and he also wore a fox fur coat for decades. Why do you refuse this?" So he accepted it and wore it.
Liu Zhenchang talked with Yin Yuanyuan. Liu Li was a little defeated. Yin said, "Oh, you don't want to be a general who is good at attacking from above with ladders."
Confucians cleanse themselves and bathe in virtue, they keep their words to themselves, they are calm and correct, and their superiors do not know; they are rough and arrogant, and they do not rush to do things; they do not think they are high when they are deep, and they do not think they are much when they add a little; they do not despise the world in peace, and they do not get discouraged when the world is in chaos; they do not agree with the same, and they do not criticize the different. They are like this in their uniqueness.
The etiquette of drinking in the village: those who are sixty sit, and those who are fifty stand and wait to listen to government affairs, so as to show respect for the elders. Those who are sixty have three beans, those who are seventy have four beans, those who are eighty have five beans, and those who are ninety have six beans, so as to show the care for the elderly. When the people know how to respect the elders and care for the elderly, they can then enter filial piety and brotherhood. When the people enter filial piety and brotherhood, they respect the elders and care for the elderly, and then the teaching is established. After the teaching is established, the country can be at peace. What a gentleman calls filial piety is not to see it every day when you come home; to gather the people in the village to shoot, teach them the etiquette of drinking in the village, and then the behavior of filial piety and brotherhood will be established.
Whenever guests enter, each door should be opened to the guests. When the guest arrives at the bedroom door, the host invites him in and takes a seat, and then goes out to greet the guest. The guest insisted on declining, and the host invited him in. The host enters on the right, and the guest enters on the left. The host goes up the east steps, the guest goes up the west steps. If the guest wants to lower his status, he goes up the host's steps. The host firmly declined, and then the guest returned to the west steps. The host and the guest give way to each other and the host goes up first, followed by the guest, climbing up the steps together and walking up in succession. When going up the east steps, put your right foot first; when going up the west steps, put your left foot first.
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