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Confucians have the same aspirations and the same principles. They are happy to be together and never get tired of each other. They do not believe rumors when they have not seen each other for a long time. They act according to their principles and establish righteousness. They advance when they are together and retreat when they are different. This is their friendship.
Bi Maoshi said: "Holding the crab claw in one hand and the wine glass in the other, floating in the wine pool, is enough for one's life."
Sacrifice is a great thing, and it is a preparation for everything. Is it the root of education to follow the preparation? Therefore, the teaching of a gentleman is to teach people to respect their rulers and elders externally and to be filial to their parents internally. Therefore, when a wise ruler is above, all ministers obey; when the ancestral temples and the altar of the country are respected, the descendants are obedient and filial. Do your best and be upright in your righteousness, and the teaching will come into being. Therefore, when a gentleman serves his ruler, he must practice it himself. What he does not like in his superiors, he will not use his subordinates; what he hates in his subordinates, he will not serve his superiors; if he does not do it to others, he will do it to himself, which is not the way of teaching. Therefore, the teaching of a gentleman must start from its root and follow the ultimate, and sacrifice is it? Therefore, it is said: sacrifice is the root of education. There are ten relationships in sacrifice: the way to serve ghosts and gods, the righteousness between the ruler and the minister, the relationship between father and son, the distinction between the noble and the humble, the killing of relatives and strangers, the bestowal of titles and rewards, the difference between husband and wife, the balance of political affairs, the order of the old and the young, and the relationship between superiors and subordinates. These are the ten relationships.
Chen Zhongju's words were a model for scholars, his behavior was a role model for the world, he got on the carriage and took the reins, with the ambition to clear up the world. When he arrived as the prefect of Yuzhang, he asked where Xu Ruzi was, wanting to see him first. The chief clerk said, "Everyone wants you to enter the palace first." Chen said, "King Wu of Zhou was in Shang Rong's house, and he didn't even have time to warm up his seat. Why shouldn't I show respect to the virtuous?"
When Deng You first sought refuge, he abandoned his own son on the road and saved his disciples. After crossing the river, he took a concubine and loved her very much. Many years later, when I asked him about the reason, I was told that he was a northerner who had suffered from rebellion. I remembered his parents' names and found out that he was You's nephew. You had always been a virtuous man with impeccable words and deeds. When he heard about this, he felt grief and resentment for the rest of his life and never kept a concubine again.
The father offers sacrifices to the son and then orders the bride to go up, and the man goes before the woman. The son accepts the order and goes to the temple to greet the bride. The host sets up a banquet in the temple, and then greets the bride outside the door. The son-in-law enters with a goose, bows and yields to the gods, and then bows again to offer the goose, which is to receive it from his parents personally. . After the wedding, the bride comes out in the carriage, and the husband hands over the reins, and the bridegroom rides three times. He waits outside the door first, and when the bride arrives, the husband bows to her and lets her in, and they eat together, and drink wine together, so as to unite the body and treat the people equally, and treat them with affection.
Confucius said: "The Way is not far from people. If people practice the Way and distance themselves from others, they cannot be considered the Way. The Book of Songs says: 'Cut the wood, chop the wood, its principle is not far away.' Holding a stick to chop wood, looking at it from a distance, it still seems far away. Therefore, a gentleman governs people by their own way, and stops when he changes. Loyalty and forgiveness are not far from the Way. If you do not want to do it yourself, do not do it to others. There are four ways of a gentleman, and I have not been able to do any of them. What I ask of my son is to serve my father, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my minister is to serve my king, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my younger brother is to serve my elder brother, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my friends is to give them first, but I have not been able to do it. The actions of a mediocre person are cautious; if there is something that is lacking, he dare not not try hard, and if there is something that is more than enough, he dare not use it all; if he speaks, he will act accordingly, and if he acts, he will act accordingly. Why does a gentleman not have to be frank!"
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