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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Confucius said: "I ate at Shao Shi and was full, and Shao Shi fed me with courtesy. When I offered sacrifices, he stood up and said, 'Sparse food is not enough for offerings.' When I ate, he stood up and said, 'Sparse food, I dare not hurt my son.'"
Xie Zhonglang was Wang Lantian's son-in-law. He once wore a white silk scarf and went to Yangzhou to listen to the king's affairs. He said frankly: "People say that you are stupid, but you believe that you are stupid." Lantian said: "It is true that there is no such opinion, but it is too late."
Yu Daoji said: "In terms of thinking about the principles and harmony of ethics, I am ashamed of Kangbo; in terms of strong will and uprightness, I am ashamed of Wendu. From then on, I am a hundred times better than them all."
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