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An old friend of Confucius was Yuanrang. When his mother died, Confucius helped her wash the coffin. Yuanrang climbed a tree and said, "It has been a long time since I have trusted music." The song went, "The spotted head of a raccoon, holding the curled hand of a woman." Confucius passed by as someone who did not hear it. The follower said, "Can't you stop?" Confucius said, "I have heard that relatives should not lose their relatives, and the old ones should not lose their old ones."
Xie Gong wrote to Wang Youjun: "Respect and harmony are good."
Ruan Guanglu went to the mountain tomb and arrived at the capital. He did not go to Yin, Liu and Xu, but returned after doing his business. Everyone chased after him, but Ruan knew that the current would catch up with him, so he ran away quickly, and when he reached Fangshan, he could not catch up with them. Liu Yin was the governor of Kuaiji at that time, so he sighed and said, "I will stay at Anshi Island when I enter. I dare not go near Sikuang again, as he can grab a stick and beat me. It is not easy."
The way of the gentleman is expensive and hidden. The foolishness of a husband and wife can be understood, but when it reaches the extreme, even a sage will not know it. The unworthy husband and wife can do something, but when it reaches the extreme, even a sage will not be able to do it. The universe is so big, but people still have something to regret. Therefore, when a gentleman speaks big, no one in the world can contain it; when he speaks small, no one in the world can break it. The Book of Songs says, "The kite flies to the sky, and the fish leaps in the deep." It means that he is observant of everything. The way of a gentleman starts with husband and wife, and when it reaches the extreme, he observes the universe.
Confucius was an orphan at a young age, and he did not know his tomb. He was buried at the intersection of Wufu. People who saw it all thought it was a funeral. His caution was probably a funeral.
When a funeral is made for one's monarch, one says: "Your subject so-and-so has died"; for parents, wife, and eldest son, one says: "Your subject so-and-so has died". When a monarch makes a funeral for the monarch of another country, one says: "My monarch is unlucky, and I dare to inform the steward."; for his wife, one says: "My youngest son, I will be buried with you."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Meng Wannian and his younger brother were orphaned at a young age and lived in Yangxin County, Wuchang. Wannian traveled around and was famous in his time, but he was orphaned and had never left the house. People in the capital wanted to see him, so they sent a letter to the orphan, saying, "My brother is seriously ill." Arrived in the capital in a panic. All the wise men of the time who saw him sighed and said to each other, "If a young orphan is like this, he will die in ten thousand years."
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