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When Shan Gong was about to go to select officials, he wanted to recommend Ji Kang; Kang wrote to him to break up with him.
Emperor Xiaowu held a meeting in the West Hall, and Fu Tao sat down in advance. When he got off the car, he called his son and said to him, "In a gathering of hundreds of people, before sitting down, he asked, 'Where is Fu Tao? Is he here?' This is why it is not easy to answer. How is it to be a father like this?"
The betrothal gift is seven intermediaries for the upper duke, five intermediaries for the marquis and earl, and three intermediaries for the viscount and the man, so as to distinguish the noble from the humble. When introducing and conveying orders, a gentleman dares not question the one he respects, which is the utmost respect. After three concessions, he can convey the order, enter the temple gate after three concessions, reach the steps after three bows, and ascend after three concessions, so as to show respect and humility.
Even if there are delicious dishes, if you don't eat them, you don't know their taste; even if there are the ultimate truth, if you don't learn it, you don't know its goodness. Therefore, only after learning can you know your shortcomings, and only after teaching can you know your difficulties. Knowing your shortcomings, you can reflect on yourself; knowing your difficulties, you can strengthen yourself. Therefore, it is said that teaching and learning complement each other. "The Book of Changes" says: "Learning is half done." Is this what it means!
Xu Yun's wife was the daughter of Ruan Weiwei. She was as virtuous as her sister but extremely ugly. After the formalities were exchanged, Yun refused to continue his talk, and his family members were deeply worried. When a guest arrived in Huiyun, the wife asked her maid to check him out, and she replied, "It's Huan Lang." Huan Lang is Huan Fan. The woman said, "Don't worry, Huan will persuade you to come in." Huan indeed said to Xu, "Since the Ruan family married their ugly daughter to you, they must be interested in you. You should observe it." Xu then went back inside. As soon as he saw the woman, he wanted to leave. The woman realized that after he left, there was no way he would come back, so she grabbed his skirt and stopped him. "Xu Yin said, "A woman has four virtues. How many of them do you have? "The woman said, "The only thing a new bride lacks is your appearance. However, a scholar has a hundred virtues, how many do you have? "Xu Yun: "All are ready." "The woman said: "Virtue is the most important of all virtues. You like lust but not virtue. How can you say you have everything?" "Yun felt ashamed and began to respect him.
Li Xin was the fifth son of Mao Zeng. He was pure and chaste and had high ideals, but he was weak and sickly when he was young and refused to marry or take up a career in government. He lived in Linhai, near the tomb of his brother, the Shizhong. Since he had a high reputation, Prime Minister Wang wanted to invite him to a position of honor, so he appointed him as an official in the government. When Xin received the letter, he said with a smile, "Maohong has lent me another cup of wine!"
It is said that to govern a country, you must first manage your family. There is no one who cannot teach his family but can teach others. Therefore, a gentleman does not leave home but teaches the country. Filial piety is the way to serve the king; respect for elders is the way to serve the elders; kindness is the way to lead the people. "Kang Gao" said: "It is like protecting a baby. "If you seek it with a sincere heart, even if you don't get it, you won't be far away. There has never been anyone who learned to raise a child before getting married. If one family is benevolent, the whole country will be benevolent; if one family is courteous, the whole country will be courteous; if one person is greedy and violent, the whole country will be in chaos. The mechanism is like this. This is what is meant by one word ruining things, and one person establishing a country. Yao and Shun led the world with benevolence, and the people followed them. Jie and Zhou led the world with violence, and the people followed them. What they ordered was contrary to what the people liked, and the people did not follow them. Therefore, a gentleman should have it in himself before seeking it in others, and not have it in himself before criticizing others. There has never been anyone who can persuade others with what he does not forgive. Therefore, governing a country starts with managing his family. The Book of Songs says, "The peach tree is young and tender, and its leaves are dense. The daughter is married, and she is a good wife." Only when she is a good wife can she teach the people of the country. The Book of Songs says, "Be a good brother and a good younger brother." Only when she is a good brother and a good younger brother can she teach the people of the country. The Book of Songs says, "Its etiquette is not wrong, and it is right for the four countries. ” He who is a father, son, and brother is a model, and then the people can follow it. This is what is meant by governing a country in order to regulate the family.
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