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A gentleman is one who is well-informed, strong in knowledge, and humble, and who is kind and not lazy. A gentleman does not exhaust people's favors or exhaust people's loyalty, but maintains friendship.
After Sun Xiu surrendered to the Jin Dynasty, Emperor Wu of Jin treated him with great favor and allowed him to marry his aunt's younger sister, Kuai, and their family was very stable. His wife was jealous and called Xiu a "raccoon". Xiu was very upset and refused to go in again. Kuai deeply regretted his mistake and asked the emperor for help. There was a general amnesty at that time, and all the officials were present. After he left, the emperor kept Xiu alone and said to him calmly, "The world is vast and open, can Madam Kuai follow its example?" Xiu took off his hat and declined, and then they became husband and wife as before.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
The guests went to Chen Taiqiu to stay overnight, and Taiqiu asked Yuanfang and Jifang to cook. The guest was discussing with Taiqiu, and the two of them brought in fire, both of them were silent and eavesdropping. I forgot to use chopsticks and spatula when cooking, and the rice fell into the pot. Taiqiu asked, "Why don't you cook with steam?" Yuanfang and Jifang knelt down and said, "Your Excellency was talking with a guest, and we were eavesdropping. We forgot to bring chopsticks and a basket when cooking, and now the rice has become porridge." Taiqiu said, "Do you know anything about it?" They replied, "I just remember it." The two men spoke at the same time and took turns to talk, without losing anything. Taiqiu said: "In this case, just eating rice is enough, why do we need rice?"
Zhi Daolin first came from the east and lived in Dong'an Temple. Wang Changshi had a meticulous plan and had written a brilliant essay. When he talked with Zhi about it, he could not quite get along with him. Wang Xuzhi wrote several hundred words, claiming that they were full of famous theories and extraordinary writings. Zhi said slowly, "I have not seen you for many years, and you have made no progress in your righteousness." Wang was ashamed and left.
In the ceremony of pitching a pot, the host holds the arrow, the shooter holds the target, and someone holds the pot. The host asked, "I have a pot of whistle with crooked arrows. Please use it to entertain the guests." The guest said, "You have delicious wine and delicious food. Since I have given you, and you have also given me more entertainment, I dare not refuse." The host said, "I can't refuse the pot of whistle with crooked arrows. I dare to ask for it." The guest said, "I have given you, and you have also given me more entertainment. I dare not refuse." The host said, "I can't refuse the pot of whistle with crooked arrows. I dare not refuse." The guest said, "I refuse to accept your order. How dare I not obey?" The guest bowed again to accept it. The host returned it and said, "Please." The host bowed on the steps of the east, and the guest returned it and said, "Please." After bowing, he received the arrows, went to the middle of the two pillars, retreated to his seat, and greeted the guests to the banquet.
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