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Zeng Zi asked: "What should be done if there is a funeral? What comes first and what comes later?" Confucius said: "In the funeral, the light is first and then the heavy; the offering is first and then the light; it is a ritual. From the beginning to the funeral, there is no offering, and there is no mourning during the funeral; after the funeral, there is an offering, and then say goodbye to the funeral, and then do the funeral. The funeral is first heavy and then light, which is a ritual." Confucius said: "Even if the son of the clan is seventy, there is no one without a mistress; if he is not a son of the clan, it is okay even if he has no mistress."
When Du Qiao's mother died, there was no one in the palace, thinking it was a traitor. Confucius said, "When she died, she wore lamb fur and black hat, just change it." The Confucius did not mourn for lamb fur and black hat.
After Sun Xiu surrendered to the Jin Dynasty, Emperor Wu of Jin treated him with great favor and allowed him to marry his aunt's younger sister, Kuai, and their family was very stable. His wife was jealous and called Xiu a "raccoon". Xiu was very upset and refused to go in again. Kuai deeply regretted his mistake and asked the emperor for help. There was a general amnesty at that time, and all the officials were present. After he left, the emperor kept Xiu alone and said to him calmly, "The world is vast and open, can Madam Kuai follow its example?" Xiu took off his hat and declined, and then they became husband and wife as before.
Meng Wannian and his younger brother were orphaned at a young age and lived in Yangxin County, Wuchang. Wannian traveled around and was famous in his time, but he was orphaned and had never left the house. People in the capital wanted to see him, so they sent a letter to the orphan, saying, "My brother is seriously ill." Arrived in the capital in a panic. All the wise men of the time who saw him sighed and said to each other, "If a young orphan is like this, he will die in ten thousand years."
Ruan Ji's sister-in-law once came back home, and Ji saw her and said goodbye to her. Or ridicule it. Ji said, "Is the etiquette designed for people like us?"
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