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Kong Wenju had two sons, the elder one was six years old and the younger one was five years old. While his father was sleeping during the day, the younger one would steal wine from the bedside and drink it. The eldest son asked, "Why don't you bow?" He replied, "I stole, so how can I bow?"
Zeng Zi asked, 鈥淭he ministers and officials will prepare the corpse for the Duke, and they will receive the funeral rites overnight, but there is mourning in the mourning clothes. What should we do?鈥 Confucius said, 鈥淲hen the corpse is taken out, it should be kept in the palace to wait for the funeral. This is the etiquette.鈥 Confucius said, 鈥淲hen the corpse is taken out with a hat and a crown, the ministers, officials, and scholars should all get out of the way. The corpse must be arranged in a proper manner and must be led in front.鈥 Zixia asked, 鈥淚s it the etiquette that the mourning period of three years is over and there is no need to avoid the funeral rites? Was there a supervisor at the beginning?鈥 Confucius said, 鈥淭he three-year mourning period of the Xia Dynasty was over, and the funeral rites were held after the funeral. The Yin people held the funeral rites after the burial. The Records says, 鈥楢 gentleman does not deprive others of their relatives, and one should not deprive them of their relatives.鈥 Is this what it means?鈥 Zixia said, 鈥淭here is no need to avoid the funeral rites, is it not? Confucius said, "I heard Lao Dan say that Duke Boqin of Lu did it for a purpose. I don't know who is following the benefit of the three-year mourning period now!"
During the three-year mourning period, one should not speak or answer questions. Lu means in the white room, one should not sit with others. In the white room, one should not enter unless it is the right time to see the mother. The elderly should live in the white room and not in the white room. Lu means strict. Wife should be treated as uncles and aunts, aunts and sisters as brothers, and the eldest, middle and youngest as adults. The mourning period for relatives is exempted, and the mourning period for brothers is exempted. The mother and wife of the king should be treated as brothers. Those who show their color should not eat or drink. Apart from the mourning period, when walking on the road, one should be surprised when seeing someone, and surprised when hearing someone鈥檚 name. When visiting the deceased or asking about his illness, one鈥檚 color and expression must be different from others. Only after this can one observe the three-year mourning period. The rest should be done in a straightforward manner.
The Master said: "The great man does not get close to those who are virtuous, but trusts those who are humble; the people are lost because of this, and the teaching is troubled because of this. The Book of Songs says: "If they seek me, it is as if they cannot get me; if they hold my enemies, they will not be able to help me. 鈥橨un Chen said: 鈥業f you have not seen a sage, you are not able to see him; if you have seen a sage, you cannot follow him. 鈥欌
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