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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
The Master said: "Everyone says I know, but they are driven into the traps and snares, and no one knows how to avoid them. Everyone says I know, but they choose the moderate, but they cannot keep it for a month."
General Wang arrested King Sima Min and sent General Shi to carry the king on a carriage and kill him at night, but no one knew about it at the time. Even the Min Wang family did not know all of them, and Wu Ji and his brothers were all young. Wang Huzhi and Wuji were very close when they were young. Once, when Huzhi was traveling together, Wuji went to his mother and asked her to prepare dinner for him. His mother cried and said, "Wang Dun was cruel to your father in the past and used him as a general. The reason why I didn't tell you for all these years is that the Wang family is powerful and you brothers are still young. I didn't want this news to be known, so I wanted to avoid disaster!" Wuji screamed in shock, drew his sword and ran out, but Hu Zhi had already gone far away.
In the court, talk about etiquette, and answer with etiquette when asked about etiquette. At the grand feast, do not ask for divination, and do not be extravagant.
Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "
Gu Changkang is good at drawing human figures. He wanted to capture Yin Jingzhou, but Yin said, "I am ugly, so don't bother me." Gu said, "You are the eyes of the wise magistrate. Just point out the boy and use flying white brush to make it look like a light cloud covering the sun."
The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
Xi Jiabin asked Taifu Xie, "How does Lin compare to Ji?" Xie said, "Ji works hard, so he can be eliminated." He asked again, "How does Yin compare to Zhi?" Xie said, "You are superior, so Zhi is better than Yin. But you keep arguing, and I am afraid Yin wants to control Zhi."
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