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Emperor Xiaowu asked Wang Shuang, "How do you compare to your brother?" Wang replied, "You are both elegant and outstanding. I am not as good as you. Loyalty and filial piety cannot be imitated by others!"
The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
Zi You asked about funeral supplies, and Confucius said, "It is called the family's death." Zi You said, "If there is a death, how can it be prepared?" Confucius said, "If there is a death, don't go too far. If the body is dead, put the head and body together, return to the burial, hang the coffin and seal it, who will criticize it!" Si Shi Ben told Zi You, "Please cover the bed." Zi You said, "Yes." Xianzi heard it and said, "How rude Shu Shi is! He only gives people etiquette."
After Wang Chen's death, the Western Town was still unsettled and all the nobles in the court had high hopes. At that time, Yin Zhongkan was under Fang Yue's tutelage. Although he held an important position, his status and reputation were low, and people did not approve of him. Jin Xiaowu wanted to promote his close associates, so he made Yin Jingzhou. The matter was settled, but the edict had not been issued. Wang Xun asked Yin, “Why hasn’t anyone dealt with Shaanxi yet?” Yin replied, “Someone has already done it.” Wang Li asked the ministers, and they all said “No.” The king thought that he must have the talent and the position, so he asked again, "Is it not me?" Yin said, "It seems not." That night the king ordered Yin to be employed. The king said to his confidants, "How can a eunuch be entrusted with such a task? Zhongkan's action will be the beginning of the country's demise."
Confucius said: "The Way is not far from people. If people practice the Way and distance themselves from others, they cannot be considered the Way. The Book of Songs says: 'Cut the wood, chop the wood, its principle is not far away.' Holding a stick to chop wood, looking at it from a distance, it still seems far away. Therefore, a gentleman governs people by their own way, and stops when he changes. Loyalty and forgiveness are not far from the Way. If you do not want to do it yourself, do not do it to others. There are four ways of a gentleman, and I have not been able to do any of them. What I ask of my son is to serve my father, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my minister is to serve my king, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my younger brother is to serve my elder brother, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my friends is to give them first, but I have not been able to do it. The actions of a mediocre person are cautious; if there is something that is lacking, he dare not not try hard, and if there is something that is more than enough, he dare not use it all; if he speaks, he will act accordingly, and if he acts, he will act accordingly. Why does a gentleman not have to be frank!"
When parents die, before offering sacrifices, brothers die; after the funeral, offering sacrifices are made. If they are in the same palace, even if they are servants or concubines, offering sacrifices are made after the funeral. During sacrifices, the host's ranks are divided, and the attendants are also divided. Even the Yu Fu are the same. From the princes to the scholars, during the minor sacrifices, the host spits when offering wine; the guests and brothers all spit at it. For the major sacrifices, the host spits, and the guests and brothers all drink it. Those who attend the sacrifices and funerals tell the guests to offer sacrifices but not to eat.
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