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When Zhuge Daoming first crossed the Jiangzuo River, he named himself Daoming, which was second only to Wang and Yu. He was first the magistrate of Linyi, and the prime minister said to him, "Your Excellency should be the black-headed official."
Zi Yun: "A gentleman forgives his parents' faults and respects their virtues." The Analects says: "If one does not change his father's way for three years, he can be called filial." Gaozong said: "For three years, he did not speak, and he would complain if he spoke." Zi Yun: "If one obeys orders without anger, gives subtle advice without getting tired, and works hard without complaining, he can be called filial." The Book of Poetry
Etiquette begins with respect for husband and wife, and distinguishing the inner and outer parts of the palace. Men live outside, women live inside, and the palace is deep and the gates are strong, with gatekeepers guarding it. Men do not enter, and women do not leave. Men and women do not use the same shackles, dare not hang on the husband's shackles, dare not hide in the husband's box, and dare not bathe together. When the husband is not at home, the pillow, box, mat, and quilt are hidden. The young serve the elder, the humble serve the noble, and everyone is the same. The etiquette of husband and wife only lasts until the age of seventy, and they share the same shackles. Therefore, even if the concubine is old, she must have sex with him for five days before she reaches fifty. The one who is about to give birth to a child, washes his head and washes his clothes carefully, combs his hair, puts on a hairpin, brushes his hair, and wears a collar, tassels, and sandals. Even maids and concubines must dress and eat after the elders. If the wife is not at home, the concubine dare not give birth to a child at night.
A gentleman is one who is well-informed, strong in knowledge, and humble, and who is kind and not lazy. A gentleman does not exhaust people's favors or exhaust people's loyalty, but maintains friendship.
When the king's messenger arrives, the host should come out and bow to show his disgrace to the king's words; when the messenger returns, he must bow and see him off at the door. If you send someone to the king's place, you must dress in court and give orders; if the envoy returns, you must go downstairs and receive orders.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
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