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When Mu Bo died, Jing Jiang cried during the day; when Wen Bo died, she cried day and night. Confucius said, "You know etiquette."
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If the ministers go out of the country privately, they must ask for permission. When they return, they must offer. If the scholars go out of the country privately, they must ask for permission; when they return, they must tell. If the king works hard for them, they will bow; if they ask about their travels, they will bow before answering. When a king leaves his country, he is stopped by saying, "How can you leave the altar of the country?" The ministers say, "How can you leave the ancestral temple?" The scholars say, "How can you leave the grave?" The king dies for the altar of the country, the ministers die for the people, and the scholars die for the system.
If you have worn a three-year-old white cap, you can replace it with the hemp of great merit; only the walking stick and shoes cannot be changed. When there is a death of parents, the merit is reduced, and when you are with your brother, you can wear a white cap. When you are with your brother, you are called Yang Tong Mou Fu, without a name, and it is a god. When you live separately, when you first hear about your brother's death, you can only cry in response. When you first wear hemp, you can wear a mourning belt. If you go to the funeral without wearing hemp, and the host has not yet worn mourning, you should wear it with the host if you are distant, and wear it with the host if you are close. , and the number of days of wearing the hemp belt and mourning clothes. When the master's concubine dies, the son shall be in charge of everything from mourning clothes to the linen auspicious ceremony. The funeral and sacrifice shall not be held in the main wife. The master shall not care for the servant concubine. When the queen dies, the concubine shall wear the party clothes of the queen. If the queen takes over, the concubine shall not wear the party clothes of the previous queen.
Someone asked: "Why do those who wear a cap not bare their flesh?" The answer is: The cap is the highest honor, and it is not suitable for the body to bare flesh, so it is replaced by stripping.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Ten years old is the beginning of decline. Sixty years old cannot be full without meat, seventy years old cannot be warm without silk, eighty years old cannot be warm without people, and ninety years old cannot be warm even if they have people. Fifty years old can be supported by a stick at home, sixty years old can be supported by a stick in the village, seventy years old can be supported by a stick in the country, and eighty years old can be supported by a stick in the court. If the emperor wants to ask about a person at the age of ninety, he should go to his room and accompany him. Seventy years old does not need to wait for the court, eighty years old can report his life every month, and ninety years old has a regular schedule. Fifty years old does not participate in government affairs, sixty years old does not participate in military service, seventy years old does not participate in guests, and eighty years old does not participate in funeral affairs. Fifty years old can be given a title, sixty years old does not participate in school, seventy years old can retire from government affairs; all those above seventy years old can only wear mourning clothes and linen. All three kings provide for the elderly according to their age. A son of an eighty-year-old does not participate in government affairs, and a family of a ninety-year-old does not participate in government affairs; the same applies to the blind. When parents are alive, a son does not sit even if he is old. The Youyu clan provided for the state elders in Shangxiang and provided for the common people elders in Xiaxiang; the Xiahou clan provided for the state elders in Dongxu and provided for the common people elders in Xixu; the Yin people provided for the state elders in Youxue and provided for the common people elders in Zuoxue; the Zhou people provided for the state elders in Dongjiao and provided for the common people elders in Yuxue, which was located in the western suburbs of the state. The Youyu clan provided for the elderly in the imperial palace and wore deep clothes; the Xiahou clan provided for the elderly in the imperial palace and wore Yan clothes; the Yin people provided for the elderly in the imperial palace and wore white clothes; the Zhou people provided for the elderly in the imperial palace and wore black clothes.
Confucius said: "The Way is not far from people. If people practice the Way and distance themselves from others, they cannot be considered the Way. The Book of Songs says: 'Cut the wood, chop the wood, its principle is not far away.' Holding a stick to chop wood, looking at it from a distance, it still seems far away. Therefore, a gentleman governs people by their own way, and stops when he changes. Loyalty and forgiveness are not far from the Way. If you do not want to do it yourself, do not do it to others. There are four ways of a gentleman, and I have not been able to do any of them. What I ask of my son is to serve my father, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my minister is to serve my king, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my younger brother is to serve my elder brother, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my friends is to give them first, but I have not been able to do it. The actions of a mediocre person are cautious; if there is something that is lacking, he dare not not try hard, and if there is something that is more than enough, he dare not use it all; if he speaks, he will act accordingly, and if he acts, he will act accordingly. Why does a gentleman not have to be frank!"
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