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The Duke said, “May I ask what is meant by respecting oneself?” Confucius replied, “When a gentleman speaks too much, the people will make excuses; when he acts too much, the people will make examples. If a gentleman does not speak too much and does not act too much, the people will respect him without being ordered. In this way, he can respect himself; if he can respect himself, he can complete his parents. ”The Duke said, “May I ask what is meant by completing his parents?” Confucius replied, “A gentleman is a name for people. The people call him a son of a gentleman. This is to make their parents become gentlemen, and this is to complete their parents’ name!” Confucius then said, “In ancient times, the most important thing in governing was to love people. If you cannot love people, you cannot have your body; if you cannot have your body, you cannot be at peace with your land; if you cannot be at peace with your land, you cannot be happy with heaven; if you cannot be happy with heaven, you cannot complete your body.”
Family mourners do not worry about where to live, and ruins do not endanger their bodies. Famished people do not worry about where to live, because there is no temple; ruins do not endanger their bodies, because there is no offspring.
The princes attacked Qin, and Duke Huan of Cao died at the meeting. The princes asked Han to attack. Duke Xiang of Xiang paid court to Jing, and King Kang died. The people of Jing said, "We must ask for an attack." The people of Lu said, "It is not proper." The people of Jing forced them to do so. The witch brushed the coffin first. The people of Jing regretted it. When Duke Cheng of Teng died, he sent Zishu and Jingshu to offer condolences and present the letter. Zifu and Huibo were the intermediaries. When he went to the suburbs, he was afraid of Yibo and did not go in. Huibo said, "It is a matter of politics. You cannot ignore public affairs for the sake of your uncle's private affairs." So he went in. Duke Ai sent people to offer condolences to Li Shang and met him on the road. He made way for him on the road and drew a palace to receive condolences. Zengzi said: "Li Shang is not as knowledgeable as Qi Liang's wife. When Duke Zhuang of Qi attacked Ju in Duo, Qi Liang died there. His wife met his coffin on the road and cried for him. Duke Zhuang sent people to offer condolences. She replied: "If your ministers are not free from guilt, they will be executed in the market and court, and their wives and concubines will be arrested; if your ministers are free from guilt, they will have the shabby house of their ancestors. Your Majesty will not disgrace your fate."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
During the funeral of Confucius, Gong Xichi wrote a memorial: decorating the coffin and the wall, setting up the bamboo and the shawl, which was Zhou; setting up the Chong, which was Yin; setting up the silk and the flag, which was Xia.
Nanyang Zong Shilin was a contemporary of Wei Wu, but Wei Wu despised him as a person and did not associate with him. When Wei Wu became Sikong and was in charge of government affairs, he calmly asked Zong, "Can I befriend you?" Zong replied, "The ambition of pine and cypress still remains." Shi Lin was dismissed for disobeying the emperor's order, and his position was not worthy of his virtue. Whenever Emperor Wen's brothers visited his door, they would bow alone under the bed. This was their etiquette for greeting.
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