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Zhongni was at a banquet, and Zi Zhang, Zi Gong, and Yan were there to accompany him. They talked about etiquette. The Master said: 鈥淪top! I will tell you three about etiquette and let you go around with etiquette to cover everything.鈥 Zi Gong crossed the mat and replied: 鈥淢ay I ask how it goes? 鈥漈he Master said, 鈥淩espect without following the rules of propriety is called wildness; respect without following the rules of propriety is called servility; courage without following the rules of propriety is called rebellion.鈥 The Master said, 鈥淪erving others takes away kindness and benevolence.鈥 The Master said, 鈥淢aster, you are too much; and Shang is not as good as that. Zichan is like the mother of all people, who can feed them but cannot teach them.鈥 Zigong crossed the table and replied, 鈥淢ay I ask what you will do to achieve this middle point?鈥 The Master said, 鈥淩itual! Rituals are used to set the middle point.鈥
Ruan Zhongrong first had sex with a Xianbei maid from his aunt's family. When I was in mourning for my mother, my aunt had to move far away. At first, she said that she would keep the maid, but after she left, she was determined to leave. Zhongrong borrowed a donkey, chopsticks and heavy clothes from a guest and chased after him, but he returned with several horses. She said: "The human race must not be lost!" She was the mother of Yao Ji.
When Wei Si Tu Jingzi died, Zixia offered condolences. The host had not yet buried him, so he went there in mourning clothes. Ziyou went to mourn. After the host had buried him, Ziyou came out, wearing mourning clothes and crying. Zixia asked, "Did you hear that?" He said, "I heard from you, Master, that if the host has not changed his clothes, he should not wear mourning clothes." Zengzi said, "Yanzi can be said to know etiquette, and he is respectful." Youruo said, "Yanzi wore the same fox fur coat for thirty years, and sent one carriage to the tomb and returned; the king had seven carriages, and the ministers had five carriages. How could Yanzi know etiquette?" Zengzi said, "If a country is not governed by the Way, a gentleman will be ashamed to be full of etiquette. If the state is extravagant, then show it frugality; if the state is frugal, then show it etiquette.
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