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Women who are not in mourning for three years should not go beyond their fiefdoms to offer condolences. If they are in mourning for three years, then the wife of the ruler will return home.
Emperor Wu of Wei once passed by the Cao'e stele, and Yang Xiu followed him. On the back of the stele there was an inscription of eight characters: "young woman with yellow silk, grandson Jue". Wei Wu asked Xiu, "Do you understand it?" Xiu replied, "I understand." Wei Wu said, "You can't tell me yet. Let me think about it." After walking for thirty miles, Wei Wu said, "I have figured it out." He asked Xiu to write down what he had learned. Xiu said: "Yellow silk is colored silk, and the word for it is absolutely perfect. Young woman is a young girl, and the word for it is wonderful. Grandson is a girl, and the word for it is good. Juejiu is suffering, and the word for it is words. This is what is called 'absolutely wonderful and good words'." Wei Wu also memorized it, and he agreed with Xiu, so he sighed and said: "I am not as talented as you, and I feel thirty miles behind."
Zeng Zi asked: "Can the funeral of a major merit be included in the offering of sacrifices?" Confucius said: "It is not a major merit! "Zengzi asked, "Is it not possible to make sacrifices with light clothes?" Confucius said, "That is not what I mean. In the funerals of the Son of Heaven and the dukes, those who are in mourning clothes offer sacrifices; the high officials, those who are in mourning clothes offer sacrifices; the scholars, their friends offer sacrifices; if it is not enough, they take from those who are of great merit or less; if it is not enough, they take from those who are of great merit or less." Zengzi asked, "Can small merits be included in the sacrifices?" Confucius said, "Why must it be small merits? Those who are in mourning clothes and below offer sacrifices; that is etiquette." Zengzi asked, "Is it not possible to make sacrifices with light clothes?" Confucius said, "In the funerals of the Son of Heaven and the dukes, those who are not in mourning clothes do not offer sacrifices; the high officials, those who are in mourning clothes offer sacrifices; the scholars, if the sacrifice is not enough, they take from those who are of great merit or less." Zengzi asked, "Can acquaintances, if they are in mourning clothes, participate in the sacrifices?" Confucius said, "If you don't offer sacrifices, how can you help others?" Zengzi asked, "Can you take away your mourning clothes and participate in the sacrifices?" ”Confucius said: "Saying mourning and offering sacrifices are not rites; it is OK to reject each other."
When the emperor died, the first mourning ceremony was held for three days, the officials mourned for five days, the men and women in the country mourned for seven days, and the whole country mourned for three months. The people of Yu brought a hundred woods for sacrifices, and those who could make coffins were cut down; those who did not bring them were abolished and killed.
When serving an elder, one should not go into the hall with his shoes on, and one should not stand on the steps without taking off his shoes. Take off the shoes, kneel down and lift them up, then put them aside. The village elders wear sandals; they kneel to remove the sandals and bend down to put them on.
The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
For a man who is a son, the three gifts are not as great as a carriage and horses. Therefore, his neighbors praised him for his filial piety, his brothers and relatives praised him for his kindness, his colleagues praised him for his brotherly love, his friends praised him for his benevolence, and his acquaintances praised him for his trustworthiness. Seeing my father’s insistence, I dare not advance unless I am told to, I dare not retreat unless I am told to, and I dare not answer unless I am asked. This is the behavior of a filial son.
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