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When Guo Zhaozi's mother died, he asked Zi Zhang, "At the funeral and tomb, what positions should men and women take?" Zi Zhang said, "At the funeral of Si Tu Jingzi, Confucius was the prime minister, and men faced west and women faced east." He said, "Ah! No." He said, "At my funeral, Si was involved. You are responsible for it, the guests are guests, the host is the host--women and men all face west."
In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.
The rituals for women are established to make it clear that women are obedient, and they are also explained in order, so that women are required to be obedient. A submissive woman is obedient to her uncles and aunts, and harmonious with the family members; then she is responsible to her husband, and completes the affairs of silk, linen, cloth and silk, and carefully guards the accumulation and storage. Therefore, only when women are obedient can the family be harmonious and orderly; only when the family is harmonious and orderly can the family last long; therefore, the sage kings attach great importance to it.
Serving parents is secretive but not offending, and the left and right are not good at taking care of them. They serve diligently until death and mourn for three years. If one makes a mistake in serving the lord but does not hide it, and takes good care of the lord in a proper way, and serves diligently until death, he shall mourn for three years. If one makes no mistake in serving the teacher and does not hide it, and takes good care of the lord in a proper way, and serves diligently until death, he shall mourn for three years in his heart.
When Xi Jiabin died, his wife's brothers wanted to bring their sister back, but she refused to come. He said: "Even if I cannot live in the same room with Xi Lang, I would rather not be buried in the same grave with him after death!"
An old friend of Confucius was Yuanrang. When his mother died, Confucius helped her wash the coffin. Yuanrang climbed a tree and said, "It has been a long time since I have trusted music." The song went, "The spotted head of a raccoon, holding the curled hand of a woman." Confucius passed by as someone who did not hear it. The follower said, "Can't you stop?" Confucius said, "I have heard that relatives should not lose their relatives, and the old ones should not lose their old ones."
In ancient times, those who wanted to manifest the bright virtue in the world first governed their country. Those who wanted to govern their country first put their family in order. If you want to make your family in order, you must first cultivate yourself. If you want to cultivate yourself, you must first rectify your heart. If you want to rectify your heart, you must first be sincere in your intentions. If you want to be sincere in your intentions, you must first acquire knowledge. Acquiring knowledge lies in investigating things. After investigating things, knowledge is achieved. After knowledge is achieved, intentions are sincere. After intentions are sincere, hearts are rectified. After hearts are rectified, the body is cultivated. After the body is cultivated, the family is in order. After the family is in order, the country is governed. After the country is governed, the world is peaceful.
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