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When Wei Si Tu Jingzi died, Zixia offered condolences. The host had not yet buried him, so he went there in mourning clothes. Ziyou went to mourn. After the host had buried him, Ziyou came out, wearing mourning clothes and crying. Zixia asked, "Did you hear that?" He said, "I heard from you, Master, that if the host has not changed his clothes, he should not wear mourning clothes." Zengzi said, "Yanzi can be said to know etiquette, and he is respectful." Youruo said, "Yanzi wore the same fox fur coat for thirty years, and sent one carriage to the tomb and returned; the king had seven carriages, and the ministers had five carriages. How could Yanzi know etiquette?" Zengzi said, "If a country is not governed by the Way, a gentleman will be ashamed to be full of etiquette. If the state is extravagant, then show it frugality; if the state is frugal, then show it etiquette.

Bo Gao died in Wei and went to Confucius. Confucius said: "Why should I cry? For my brothers, I cry in the temple; for my father's friends, I cry outside the temple gate; for my teacher, I cry in the bedroom; for my friends, I cry outside the bedroom door; for my acquaintances, I cry in the wild. In the wild, it is already distant; in the bedroom, it is already important. Since You Ci came to see me, I cried to Ci's family." Then he ordered Zigong to be the host and said: "If you come to cry for you, bow to him; if you know that Bo Gao came, don't bow."

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