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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Later, when I was young, there were many people who were very knowledgeable. Lord Shen said, "Huang Wen is young, so don't comment on the old scholars. In the past, he had dealings with the two emperors Yuan and Ming, and the two lords Wang and Yu."
When Shan Gong met Ji and Ruan, they became close friends. Shan's wife, Han, noticed that the relationship between the Duke and the other two was different from usual, so she asked the Duke about it. The Duke said, “The only two men I could be friends with in those days were these two!” His wife said, “Fu Ji’s wife also watched Hu and Zhao in person and wanted to spy on them. Is that okay?” The next day, the two men came, and his wife advised the Duke to stay with them for the night and prepared some wine and meat. I climbed through the wall at night to look at it, and forgot to return until dawn. The Duke came in and asked, "What do you think of these two?" His wife said, "Your talent is far inferior to mine. We should just be friends because of our understanding." The Duke said, "They also always think I am better than them in understanding."
Zixia had just finished mourning and came to see me. I played the zither, but it didn't harmonize, and it didn't make any sound when I played it. He stood up and said, "I have not forgotten my grief. The ancient kings established the rites, and I dare not go beyond them."
He Cidao and Yu Jijian were both prime ministers. When Emperor Cheng died, the successor was not decided yet. He wanted to establish his son as the heir. Yu Ji and the court thought that the foreign invaders were strong and the heir was young, so they established Emperor Kang. When Emperor Kang ascended the throne, he convened a meeting with his ministers and said to He, "Whose advice is it that has enabled me to inherit the great cause today?" He replied, "Your Majesty's ascension to the throne is the result of Yu Bing's achievement, not my effort. If you had followed my humble advice at that time, you would not be able to see the prosperous Ming Dynasty now." The emperor looked ashamed.
The husband of the mother and the wife of the uncle, the two wives mourn for each other, but the gentleman did not mention it. Some say that they cook together.
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