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When Wei Si Tu Jingzi died, Zixia offered condolences. The host had not yet buried him, so he went there in mourning clothes. Ziyou went to mourn. After the host had buried him, Ziyou came out, wearing mourning clothes and crying. Zixia asked, "Did you hear that?" He said, "I heard from you, Master, that if the host has not changed his clothes, he should not wear mourning clothes." Zengzi said, "Yanzi can be said to know etiquette, and he is respectful." Youruo said, "Yanzi wore the same fox fur coat for thirty years, and sent one carriage to the tomb and returned; the king had seven carriages, and the ministers had five carriages. How could Yanzi know etiquette?" Zengzi said, "If a country is not governed by the Way, a gentleman will be ashamed to be full of etiquette. If the state is extravagant, then show it frugality; if the state is frugal, then show it etiquette.

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In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.

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Zeng Zi asked: "Do you mourn for three years?" Confucius said: "In the three-year mourning, you should be dressed, not stand in a group, and do not travel. Gentlemen use etiquette to embellish their feelings. If you mourn for three years, isn't it empty?" Zeng Zi asked: "The officials and scholars can get rid of their private mourning, but they have the monarch's mourning clothes. How can they get rid of it?" Confucius said: "If you have the monarch's mourning clothes on your body, you dare not wear them privately. How can you get rid of them? So it is not removed after the time has passed. In the case of the king's mourning, mourning is removed before offering sacrifices, which is a ritual. Zengzi asked, "Is it okay not to remove mourning for parents?" Confucius said, "The ancient kings established rituals, and did not perform them after the time has passed, which is a ritual; it is not that they cannot do it, but they are worried that it is too much. Therefore, a gentleman does not offer sacrifices after the time has passed, which is a ritual. Zengzi asked, "When the king dies, after the funeral, if the minister has parents in mourning, what should I do?" Confucius said, "Return home and live at home. If there are important things, go to the king's place and see him off morning and evening." He said, "After the king has been buried, if the minister has parents in mourning, what should I do?" Confucius said, "Go home and cry and come back to see the king off." He said, "If the king has not buried his parents, and the minister has parents in mourning, what should I do?" Confucius said, "Go home and cry and come back to see the king off. If there are important things, go back and see him off morning and evening. For officials, the old man in the house will perform the ritual; for scholars, the descendants will perform the ritual. The wife of a great official, if there is a serious matter, should also go to the king's place, morning and night. "