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Zeng Zi asked: "What should be done if there is a funeral? What comes first and what comes later?" Confucius said: "In the funeral, the light is first and then the heavy; the offering is first and then the light; it is a ritual. From the beginning to the funeral, there is no offering, and there is no mourning during the funeral; after the funeral, there is an offering, and then say goodbye to the funeral, and then do the funeral. The funeral is first heavy and then light, which is a ritual." Confucius said: "Even if the son of the clan is seventy, there is no one without a mistress; if he is not a son of the clan, it is okay even if he has no mistress."
Serving parents is secretive but not offending, and the left and right are not good at taking care of them. They serve diligently until death and mourn for three years. If one makes a mistake in serving the lord but does not hide it, and takes good care of the lord in a proper way, and serves diligently until death, he shall mourn for three years. If one makes no mistake in serving the teacher and does not hide it, and takes good care of the lord in a proper way, and serves diligently until death, he shall mourn for three years in his heart.
During the three-year mourning period, one should not speak or answer questions. Lu means in the white room, one should not sit with others. In the white room, one should not enter unless it is the right time to see the mother. The elderly should live in the white room and not in the white room. Lu means strict. Wife should be treated as uncles and aunts, aunts and sisters as brothers, and the eldest, middle and youngest as adults. The mourning period for relatives is exempted, and the mourning period for brothers is exempted. The mother and wife of the king should be treated as brothers. Those who show their color should not eat or drink. Apart from the mourning period, when walking on the road, one should be surprised when seeing someone, and surprised when hearing someone’s name. When visiting the deceased or asking about his illness, one’s color and expression must be different from others. Only after this can one observe the three-year mourning period. The rest should be done in a straightforward manner.
Yang Dezuo was Wei Wu's chief clerk. At that time, he was building the Xiangguo Gate and had just begun to construct the rafters. Wei Wu came out to take a look and had someone write the word "活" on the door before leaving. When Yang saw it, he ordered it to be destroyed. After finishing, he said: "The word 'live' in the word 'door' means 'wide'. Wang Zheng thinks the door is too big."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
After Jianwen died, Xiaowu, who was more than ten years old at the time, ascended the throne and did not come until nightfall. The left and right sides open with “respond as usual”. The emperor said: "When grief comes, weep. How can there be a constant?"
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