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When Wei Si Tu Jingzi died, Zixia offered condolences. The host had not yet buried him, so he went there in mourning clothes. Ziyou went to mourn. After the host had buried him, Ziyou came out, wearing mourning clothes and crying. Zixia asked, "Did you hear that?" He said, "I heard from you, Master, that if the host has not changed his clothes, he should not wear mourning clothes." Zengzi said, "Yanzi can be said to know etiquette, and he is respectful." Youruo said, "Yanzi wore the same fox fur coat for thirty years, and sent one carriage to the tomb and returned; the king had seven carriages, and the ministers had five carriages. How could Yanzi know etiquette?" Zengzi said, "If a country is not governed by the Way, a gentleman will be ashamed to be full of etiquette. If the state is extravagant, then show it frugality; if the state is frugal, then show it etiquette.
Confucius said: "The Way is not far from people. If people practice the Way and distance themselves from others, they cannot be considered the Way. The Book of Songs says: 'Cut the wood, chop the wood, its principle is not far away.' Holding a stick to chop wood, looking at it from a distance, it still seems far away. Therefore, a gentleman governs people by their own way, and stops when he changes. Loyalty and forgiveness are not far from the Way. If you do not want to do it yourself, do not do it to others. There are four ways of a gentleman, and I have not been able to do any of them. What I ask of my son is to serve my father, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my minister is to serve my king, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my younger brother is to serve my elder brother, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my friends is to give them first, but I have not been able to do it. The actions of a mediocre person are cautious; if there is something that is lacking, he dare not not try hard, and if there is something that is more than enough, he dare not use it all; if he speaks, he will act accordingly, and if he acts, he will act accordingly. Why does a gentleman not have to be frank!"
Ziyun said: "If the superiors consider the words of the people, then the heaven will give them favors; if the superiors do not consider the words of the people, then they will be offended; if the heaven does not give them favors, then there will be chaos. ”Therefore, if a gentleman governs the people with trust and humility, the people will repay him with respect. The Book of Songs says, “The ancients had a saying: consult with common people.”
When the husband of an aunt or sister dies, and there are no brothers in the husband's party, let the husband's family members take charge of the funeral. The wife's party, even if they are close, do not take charge. If the husband has no family, then the front and back families, the east and west families; if there is none, then the village Yin will take charge. Some say: take charge, and attach to the husband's party.
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