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In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.
Chen Shuo was an official of the general and was highly loved and respected. When he died, Guo Pu went to mourn for him, expressing great sorrow, and called out, "Successor, how could you have known that this was not a blessing!" Soon after, the general rebelled, just as he had said.
Sincerity is self-realization, and Tao is self-Tao. Sincerity is the beginning and end of things, without sincerity, there is nothing. Therefore, a gentleman values sincerity. Sincerity is not only for self-realization, but also for the realization of things. To perfect oneself is benevolence; to perfect things is knowledge. It is the virtue of nature, and it is the way to combine the outside and the inside, so it is appropriate to take measures at the right time.
Ruan Ji of Chenliu, Ji Kang of Qiao State, and Shan Tao of Henei were all of similar age, but Kang was younger than the other. Those who signed this agreement included Liu Ling of Pei, Ruan Xian of Chenliu, Xiang Xiu of Henei, and Wang Rong of Langye. The seven often gathered under the bamboo forest, enjoying themselves, so they were called "The Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove".
When Du Qiao's mother died, there was no one in the palace, thinking it was a traitor. Confucius said, "When she died, she wore lamb fur and black hat, just change it." The Confucius did not mourn for lamb fur and black hat.
If the eldest son is given a stick, his son will not take the position with the stick. For a wife, if the parents are alive, do not use a stick, do not bow the head. If the mother is alive, do not bow the head. Bowing the head means bowing in the gift. If you disobey the senior official of the princes, you will not return to wear clothes.
Zishang did not mourn when his mother died. His disciples asked Zisi, “Did your ancestors mourn their mothers?” He said, “Yes”. “Why did you not let Bai mourn?” Zisi said, “My ancestors did not lose the way; when the way was high, they followed the way; when the way was low, they followed the way. How could Ji do that? Those who marry Ji are Bai’s mother; those who do not marry Ji are not Bai’s mother.” Therefore, the Kong family did not mourn their mothers when their mothers died, starting with Zisi.
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