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The Master said, “If there is a car, you must see its rails; if there is a garment, you must see its wear; if someone talks about it, you must hear its sound; if someone walks about it, you must see its completion. The Ge Tan says, ‘If you wear it, you must shoot it.’” The Master said, “If you follow what you say, then your words cannot be embellished; if you follow what you say, then your actions cannot be embellished. Therefore, a gentleman speaks little, but walks to establish his credibility, so that the people cannot exaggerate his virtues and minimize his faults. The Book of Songs says, ‘The stain on the jade tablet can still be polished; the stain on this speech cannot be made.’ The Xiaoya says, ‘The gentleman is sincere, and the development is great.’ The Jun Shi says, ‘In the past, when the God of Heaven was in power, Zhou Tian observed the virtue of King Wen, and he gathered the great destiny in his body.’” The Master said, “The southerners have a saying, ‘If a man is not constant, he cannot be used for divination.’ Is this the saying left by the ancients? Even the tortoise shells cannot tell, let alone people? The Book of Songs says: ‘My tortoise is tired, but I still don’t tell it.’ The Book of Changes says: ‘The title is not equal to the bad virtue. The people stand up and do the right things. They are pure and offer sacrifices. This is disrespectful; things are complicated and chaotic, and serving the gods is difficult.’ The Book of Changes says: ‘If you don’t keep your virtue, you may suffer shame. If you keep your virtue, it will be auspicious for women and bad for men.’”
The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
When the princes send out their wives, the wives will come to their country with the etiquette of wives; when they arrive, they will enter with wives. The messenger was about to order, saying, "My lord is incompetent and cannot serve the altars and ancestral temples. I have sent my envoy to report this to the steward." The host replied, "My lord has already refused to teach me before. I dare not be disrespectful and must wait for your order." The officials laid out the utensils; the host's officials also received them. When the wife left, the husband sent someone to bring her back, saying, "I am incompetent and cannot serve the altars and ancestral temples. I dare not be disrespectful and must wait for your order." The host replied, "My son is unfilial. I dare not avoid punishment. I dare not be disrespectful and must wait for your order." The messenger withdrew, and the host bowed to see him off. If the uncle is alive, he should be called uncle; if the uncle is dead, he should be called brother; if there is no brother, he should be called husband. The host's resignation was, "My son is unfilial." If they were aunts or sisters, they would also be called.
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