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During the funeral of Confucius, two or three disciples all wore mourning clothes and went out. They wore mourning clothes when they were in a group, but not when they went out.
When Xi Jiabin died, his wife's brothers wanted to bring their sister back, but she refused to come. He said: "Even if I cannot live in the same room with Xi Lang, I would rather not be buried in the same grave with him after death!"
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Si Tu Wang Rong was both noble and wealthy. He had houses and shepherds in the area, fertile fields and water mills, which were unparalleled in Luoyang. Qi Shuyang Zhang, often discuss strategies with his wife under candlelight.
When Ruan Bubing lost his mother, Pei Linggong went to offer condolences. Ruan Fang was drunk, sat on the bed with his hair loose, and did not cry. Pei arrived, sat on the ground, cried and mourned, and then left. Someone asked Pei, "In a condolence ceremony, the host cries and the guests perform the rituals. Since Ruan didn't cry, why did you cry?" Pei said, "Ruan is an outsider, so he doesn't respect rituals. We are ordinary people, so we take rituals as our own." People at that time sighed that he had achieved the best of both worlds.
Wei Wu had a prostitute whose voice was the most noble, but whose temperament was extremely evil. If you want to kill someone, you love his talent; if you want to place him, you cannot bear it. So he selected a hundred people and taught them all at the same time. After a while, there was another voice heard, and the evil person was killed.
Wang Rong and He Qiao suffered a great death at the same time, and both were praised for their filial piety. The king used chicken bones to support his bed, and cried and prepared gifts. Emperor Wu said to Liu Zhongxiong, "Have you visited Wang and He several times? I heard that He was overly sad and distressed, which made people worried." Zhongxiong said, "Although He Qiao was well-dressed, his spirit was not damaged; although Wang Rong was not well-dressed, he was sad and weak. I think He Qiao was filial when he was alive, and Wang Rong was filial when he died. Your Majesty should not worry about Qiao, but worry about Rong."
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