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Duke Ai asked Confucius, "What is the great ritual? Why do gentlemen talk about ritual with such respect?" Confucius said, "I am a small man, not qualified to know ritual." The duke said, "No! I am talking about it." Confucius said, "I have heard that ritual is the most important thing for the people to live. Without ritual, there is no way to respect the gods of heaven and earth, no way to distinguish the positions of the ruler and the minister, the superior and the inferior, the old and the young, no way to distinguish the closeness of men and women, fathers and sons, brothers, and the relationship between relatives and strangers. A gentleman respects this and teaches the people with what he can, and does not abolish the festival. After things are accomplished, he will then prepare the carvings and ornaments to continue. After they are in compliance, he will talk about funerals, prepare the tripods and sacrificial vessels, set up the pork and basil, repair the ancestral temple, and worship at the right time and order the clan. Then he will make his house comfortable, dress modestly, and humble his palace. He will not carve the table on his car, nor carve the utensils, nor eat two different kinds of food, so that he can share the benefits with the people. The gentleman of the past practiced ritual. 鈥

Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "




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