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In funerals, we want them to be relaxed; in auspicious events, we want them to be relaxed. Therefore, even if funerals are hasty, they should not be over-ruled; even if auspicious events are delayed, they should not be lazy. Therefore, if you are too noisy, you are wild; if you are too busy, you are a mean person.
Lady Wang Jiangzhou said to Xie E, "Why don't you make any progress? It's because you are so preoccupied with worldly affairs that your talent is limited."
When Confucius was in Wei, he encountered the funeral of an old abbot. He went in and wept. When he left, he asked Zigong to persuade the charioteer and give him gifts. Zigong said, "I have never persuaded the charioteer for the funeral of my disciple. Is it too much to persuade the charioteer in the old abbot?" The Master said, "My fellow villagers went in and wept, and wept when they met a sad thing. I hate that I have no reason to cry. You should do it." When Confucius was in Wei, there were people attending the funeral, and the Master watched them and said, "How well they conduct the funeral! It is worthy of being a model. You should know it." Zigong said, "What is so good about you, Master?" He said, "When he went, he seemed to be longing, and when he returned, he seemed to be suspicious." Zigong said, "Is it better to return quickly and be anxious?" The Master said, "You know it, but I can't do it." When Yan Yuan died, he presented auspicious meat. Confucius went out to receive it, and then he played the zither and ate it.
The three brothers Wang Huangmen all went to see Xie Gong. Ziyou and Zizhong talked a lot about worldly matters, while Zijing just exchanged greetings. After he left, a guest asked Xie Gong, "Who of the three sages is better?" Xie Gong said, "The younger one is the best." The guest asked, "How do you know that?" Xie Gong said, "Auspicious people speak less, while impetuous people speak more. I can tell this by inference."
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