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Etiquette begins with the coming of age, is based on the wedding, is more important than funerals and sacrifices, is more respected than the morning engagement, and is harmonious with the archery field - this is the general outline of etiquette.
When Yin Zhongkan was the governor of Jingzhou, there was a flood season and he usually ate only five bowls of food, with no other dishes. When rice grains fell on the plate or table, he would pick them up and eat them. Although we want to lead things, we must do so according to their true nature. I always tell my children, "Don't think that I am giving up my former ambitions because I have been appointed to a provincial post. It is not easy for me to be in this position now. Poverty is the norm for scholars. How can I climb the branch and abandon my roots? You should save it!"
The Master said: “The benevolent is the model of the world; the righteous is the rule of the world; the retribution is the benefit of the world.” The Master said: “Repaying kindness with kindness will encourage the people; repaying grievances with grievances will punish the people. The Book of Songs says: ‘No words are not resentful, no virtue is not repaid.’ The Book of Taijia says: ‘Without the king, the people cannot be at peace; without the king, the four directions cannot be opened.’” The Master said: “Repaying grievances with kindness is benevolence of leniency; repaying kindness with grievances is punishment of the people.” The Master said: “The one who has no desires and likes kindness, and the one who has no fears and hates unkindness, is the only one in the world. Therefore, the gentleman discusses the way for himself and sets laws for the people.” The Master said: “There are three kinds of benevolence, the same merits as benevolence but different feelings. The same merits as benevolence, his benevolence cannot be known; the same faults as benevolence, then his benevolence can be known. The benevolent are at peace with benevolence, the wise are beneficial to benevolence, and the fearful are strong in benevolence. The benevolent are right, the righteous are left. The benevolent are human, the righteous are righteousness. Those who are thick in benevolence are thin in righteousness, they are close but not respected; those who are thick in righteousness are thin in benevolence, they are respected but not close. The righteousness has its ultimate, and the righteousness has its examination. The ultimate righteousness is the way to rule, the righteousness is the way to hegemony, and the examination of the righteousness is to make sure there is no error. ”
Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "
〔There are ten relationships in sacrifice〕Spreading the banquet and setting up the same table is to rely on the gods; calling the gods in the room and leaving the temple is the way to communicate with the gods. The ruler welcomes the sacrifice but not the corpse, which is to separate suspicion. If the corpse is outside the temple gate, it will be suspected by the minister, but if it is inside the temple, it will be safe for the ruler; if the ruler is outside the temple gate, it will be suspected by the ruler, but if it is inside the temple, it will be safe for the minister and the son. Therefore, those who do not leave the temple are clear about the righteousness between the ruler and the minister. In the way of sacrifice, the grandson serves the king's father's corpse. The one who serves the corpse is the son of the one who offers sacrifice; the father faces north to serve it, so as to clarify the way for the son to serve the father. This is the relationship between father and son. On the fifth day of the funeral, the king washes the jade cup and offers it to the nobles; on the seventh day of the funeral, the king offers the jade cup to the great officials; on the ninth day of the funeral, the king offers the scattered cup to the scholars and the officials, all in order of seniority. This is to clarify the order of superiority and inferiority.
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