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Morality, benevolence and righteousness cannot be achieved without propriety, and teaching and correcting customs cannot be achieved without propriety. When resolving disputes, do not make the decision without proper etiquette. The relationship between the ruler and his subjects, father and son, and brothers cannot be determined without propriety. When an official studies or serves a teacher, he should not be close to him without proper etiquette. When Ban Chao governs the army and takes office to enforce the law, he must act with propriety and dignity. Praying to temples and offering sacrifices to ghosts and gods are not polite, sincere or solemn. Therefore, a gentleman is respectful, frugal, and yielding in order to show courtesy. Parrots can speak, but they are still birds; orangutans can speak, but they are still animals. People nowadays are rude, even if they can speak, don’t they have the heart of beasts? Only animals are so undisciplined that fathers and sons live together. Therefore, the sages created rituals to teach people. Teach people to be polite and know how to distinguish themselves from animals.
Wang Gong wanted to invite Jiang Lunu to be the chief secretary, so he went to Jiang in the morning, but Jiang was still in the tent. The king sat down, not daring to speak immediately. It took a long time before he got there, but Jiang didn't respond. He called for someone to bring him some wine, drank a bowl himself, and did not share any with the king. Wang laughed and said, "Why do I have to drink alone?" Jiang said, "Do you want to drink too?" He asked him to pour more wine for Wang. After Wang finished drinking, he was able to leave. Before leaving the house, Jiang sighed and said, "It is difficult for people to judge for themselves."
When Emperor Ming of Jin was a few years old, he sat on Emperor Yuan's lap. Someone came from Chang'an, and Emperor Yuan asked about the news from Luoxia, and burst into tears. Emperor Ming asked why he was crying. I told him my intention to cross the river to the east. He then asked Emperor Ming, "How far do you think Chang'an is compared to the sun?" He replied, "The sun is far away. Haven't you heard that people come from the side of the sun? How can you know it?" Emperor Yuan was surprised. Tomorrow I will gather all the ministers for a banquet, inform them of this intention, and ask them again. He replied, "The sun is near." The Yuan Emperor was dismayed and asked, "Why do you say something different from what you said yesterday?" He replied, "I can see the sun but not Chang'an."
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
When the stable burned, Confucius bowed to the villagers who came to the fire. He bowed once, and the officials twice. It is also the way to express condolences. Confucius said: "Guan Zhong encountered thieves and took two people with him. The king made them public officials and said: "The people he played with are good people!" After Guan Zhong died, Duke Huan made him mourn for him. The practice of officials mourning for officials started from Guan Zhong, and it was ordered by the king."
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