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In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.
Zhongni said: "The gentleman is moderate, the villain is the opposite of the moderate. The gentleman's moderation is the gentleman who is moderate at times; the villain's moderation is the villain who is unscrupulous."
Kong Wenju had two sons, the elder one was six years old and the younger one was five years old. While his father was sleeping during the day, the younger one would steal wine from the bedside and drink it. The eldest son asked, "Why don't you bow?" He replied, "I stole, so how can I bow?"
When Ruan Bubing lost his mother, Pei Linggong went to offer condolences. Ruan Fang was drunk, sat on the bed with his hair loose, and did not cry. Pei arrived, sat on the ground, cried and mourned, and then left. Someone asked Pei, "In a condolence ceremony, the host cries and the guests perform the rituals. Since Ruan didn't cry, why did you cry?" Pei said, "Ruan is an outsider, so he doesn't respect rituals. We are ordinary people, so we take rituals as our own." People at that time sighed that he had achieved the best of both worlds.
Zixia said: "The parents of the people have been heard, and I dare to ask what the 'five ultimates' are?" Confucius said: "Where the will reaches, poetry also reaches. Where poetry reaches, ritual also reaches. Where ritual reaches, music also reaches. Where music reaches, sorrow also reaches. Sorrow and joy are born from each other. Therefore, if you look at it with your eyes straight, you can't see it; if you listen to it with your ears attentively, you can't hear it; the will fills the heaven and the earth, this is called the five ultimates. ”
Wang Rong lost his son Wanzi. Shan Jian went to visit him, and the king was overwhelmed with grief. Jian said, "How could the thing in the child's arms be like this?" The king said, "The sages are oblivious to emotions, and the lowest among the poor are not even capable of emotions. Emotions are focused on people of our generation." Jian was convinced by his words and felt even more sad.
Zi Zhang was ill, so he summoned Shen Xiang and said to him: "A gentleman says 'end', a villain says 'death'; I am almost there today!" Zeng Zi said: "The first funeral is held, and the rest is held in the pavilion?" Zeng Zi said: "For small merits, there is no position, it is the etiquette of the alley. When Zi Si cried for his sister-in-law, it was a position, and women danced; when Shen Xiang cried for Si, it was the same."
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