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When marrying a woman to the emperor, it is said to prepare the people; to the king, it is said to prepare wine and liquor; to the minister, it is said to prepare sweeping.
When Emperor Wu of Wei went to fight Yuan Benchu, he was preparing equipment and found dozens of bushels of bamboo strips left over, all several inches long. Everyone said they were unusable, so he ordered them to be burned. Taizu thought about how to use it and said it could be used as a bamboo shield, but he did not make his words public. He sent an envoy to ask the chief clerk Yang Dezuo. He answered immediately, sharing the same thought as the emperor. Everyone was amazed by his eloquence.
Confucius said: "The Way is not far from people. If people practice the Way and distance themselves from others, they cannot be considered the Way. The Book of Songs says: 'Cut the wood, chop the wood, its principle is not far away.' Holding a stick to chop wood, looking at it from a distance, it still seems far away. Therefore, a gentleman governs people by their own way, and stops when he changes. Loyalty and forgiveness are not far from the Way. If you do not want to do it yourself, do not do it to others. There are four ways of a gentleman, and I have not been able to do any of them. What I ask of my son is to serve my father, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my minister is to serve my king, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my younger brother is to serve my elder brother, but I have not been able to do it; what I ask of my friends is to give them first, but I have not been able to do it. The actions of a mediocre person are cautious; if there is something that is lacking, he dare not not try hard, and if there is something that is more than enough, he dare not use it all; if he speaks, he will act accordingly, and if he acts, he will act accordingly. Why does a gentleman not have to be frank!"
When Chen Yuanfang lost his father, he cried and mourned until his body became emaciated. His mother felt sorry for him and secretly covered him with a brocade quilt. Guo Linzong came to express his condolences and saw him, and said to him, "You are a talented person in the country, and a role model for the whole country. How can you mourn with a brocade quilt covering you? Confucius said, 'To wear brocade and to eat rice, what good will it do you?' I will not accept it!" He threw away his clothes and left. From then on, no guests came for a hundred days.
Gao Rou is in the east, very important by Xie Renzu, not known to Wang and Liu Renzu said: "Nearly see Gao Rou, great self-playing, but did not gain." Make a discussion. "Gao Rou heard it, and said: "I have nothing to ask for." People have learned this from Zhen Chang.
When Zhi Daoling returned to the east, the wise men of the time saw him off at Zhenglu Pavilion. Cai Zishu came forward and sat close to Lin Gong. Xie Wanshi came later and sat a little far away. Cai got up temporarily, and Xie moved to his place. When Cai returned, he saw Xie there. He folded the mattress, lifted Xie up and threw him to the ground, then sat down again. He thanked the emperor for taking off his hat and cap, then slowly stood up, straightened his clothes and sat down on the mat. He looked very calm and not angry or frustrated at all. After sitting down, he said to Cai, "You are a strange man, and you may ruin my reputation." Cai replied, "I don't care about your reputation." After that, neither of them minded.
Zheng Xuan wanted to annotate the Spring and Autumn Annals, but had not yet finished it. On his way, he and Fu Zishen met each other and stayed in a guest house. They had not met before. Fu was in the carriage outside and told him about his annotations. Xuan listened for a long time and found most of the ideas he had. Xuan got on the carriage and said to Fu, "I have wanted to annotate it for a long time, but I haven't finished it yet. From what you said just now, I found that most of your comments are in line with mine. Now I will tell you all my comments." Then he annotated it for Fu.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
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