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Zeng Zi asked: "After the wedding ceremony, the money is paid and there is an auspicious day, if the girl's parents die, what should be done?" Confucius said: "The husband sends condolences. If the husband's parents die, the girl's family also sends condolences. Father's death is called father, mother's death is called mother. If parents are not alive, uncle's mother is called. After the husband is buried, the husband's uncle tells the girl: 'So-and-so's son has lost his parents, and cannot be a brother, so-and-so tells the girl.' The girl agrees, but dares not marry. This is rite. The husband is exempted from mourning. The girl's parents send people to invite him, but the husband refuses to accept him, and then he marries her. This is rite. If the girl's parents die, the husband also does the same. "
Morality, benevolence and righteousness cannot be achieved without propriety, and teaching and correcting customs cannot be achieved without propriety. When resolving disputes, do not make the decision without proper etiquette. The relationship between the ruler and his subjects, father and son, and brothers cannot be determined without propriety. When an official studies or serves a teacher, he should not be close to him without proper etiquette. When Ban Chao governs the army and takes office to enforce the law, he must act with propriety and dignity. Praying to temples and offering sacrifices to ghosts and gods are not polite, sincere or solemn. Therefore, a gentleman is respectful, frugal, and yielding in order to show courtesy. Parrots can speak, but they are still birds; orangutans can speak, but they are still animals. People nowadays are rude, even if they can speak, don’t they have the heart of beasts? Only animals are so undisciplined that fathers and sons live together. Therefore, the sages created rituals to teach people. Teach people to be polite and know how to distinguish themselves from animals.
The wife of Duke Cheng of Pei, the daughter of Wang Rong. Wang Rong went to Pei Xu in the morning, but there was no way forward. Pei went down from the bed to the south, and the woman went down from the bed to the north, and they sat opposite each other as host and guest, with no strange expressions on their faces.
Confucius said: "How can Zang Wenzhong know the rituals! Xia Fu Fuqi was against the sacrifice, but he did not stop. Burning firewood in the ao, the ao is the sacrifice of old women, with basins and bottles. Rituals are like the body. If the body is not complete, the gentleman says it is not a man. If it is not properly set, it is still incomplete."
On the winter solstice, Zhou Boren's mother gave wine to her three sons and said, "I thought there was nowhere to go after crossing the river. Your family has a prime minister, and you all lined up before me, so what do I have to worry about?" Zhou Song stood up, knelt down and cried, "It's not as my mother said. Boren is ambitious but incompetent, famous but ignorant, and likes to take advantage of others. This is not the way to save himself. Song is a rebellious person and is not tolerated by the world. I am the only one who is idle and should be under my mother's eyes!"
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